Relax— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question. Avoid past-tense wordiness like “in that moment” and improve coherence with linking words. Add one or two specific details (places or activities) and keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: I recently relaxed in New Zealand during a nine-day graduation trip. The scenery there was breathtaking — we visited alpine lakes and saw snow-capped mountains near Queenstown. Overall, the peaceful landscapes and outdoor walks made the trip very refreshing.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g., “I usually relax with my friends and family.”). Avoid repetition (“friends and families”) and improve grammar (use ‘an’ before ‘afternoon tea’ and correct tense). Use one linking phrase to contrast activities with friends and family and provide a specific example for each.

例: I usually relax with my friends and family. For example, with friends I often have an afternoon tea or play badminton, whereas with my family I enjoy weekend hikes in the nearby hills.

提案: Answer directly and correct grammar and collocations (e.g., “sing in the shower” not “taking shower”; “feel relaxed” not “feel unwind”). Reduce filler words (“uh, actually”) and be specific about genres or artists. Use one linking phrase to explain why music relaxes you.

例: Yes, I find music very relaxing. For instance, I often sing in the shower or listen to playlists while driving, which helps me feel relaxed and energized. I usually listen to Mandarin pop and English pop because both languages are familiar to me.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence: name your main relaxation method. Reduce hesitation and correct phrasing (e.g., “relieve my stress,” “play tennis or basketball”). Be specific about frequency or routine and use a linking word to show result.

例: I usually relax by exercising, especially by playing tennis or basketball with friends twice a week. As a result, I can relieve stress and feel recharged for the rest of the week.

× Recently I went to New Zealand for 9 days as my graduation trip and it was very relaxing in that moment because I saw a lot of beautiful scenery such as mountain lake and the snow view on the top of mountain.

✓ Recently I went to New Zealand for nine days for my graduation trip, and it was very relaxing because I saw a lot of beautiful scenery, such as mountain lakes and the snow on top of the mountains.

Use past tense appropriately (went, saw were correct) but improve count expression and articles: spell out small numbers in formal speech ('nine'), use 'for my graduation trip' rather than 'as', pluralize 'mountain lakes' and 'mountains', and include articles ('the snow' and 'on top of the mountains'). Also remove 'in that moment' which is awkward; the past simple already sets the time. Grammar problem type ID: 5

× So overall it was quite enjoyable for me.

✓ Overall, it was quite enjoyable for me.

Drop the conjunction 'So' at the start because it's unnecessary; add a comma after 'Overall'. The sentence is otherwise grammatically correct; this is mainly stylistic and article use is fine. Grammar problem type ID: 22

× Well, I usually relax with my friends and the family because friends and families are very important in my mind.

✓ Well, I usually relax with my friends and my family because friends and family are very important to me.

Use consistent plural/singular and possessive forms: 'my family' not 'the family' when speaking personally. Use 'friends and family' (both plural) and 'important to me' instead of 'in my mind'. This fixes pronoun/possessive and idiomatic prepositional use. Grammar problem type ID: 12

× For example, if I hang out with my friend, we usually have a afternoon tea or exercise together, and on the other hand, I will have spent some time with my family, such as hiking.

✓ For example, if I hang out with my friends, we usually have an afternoon tea or exercise together, and I also spend time with my family, such as hiking.

Pluralize 'friend' to 'friends' to match general habit. Use the article 'an' before 'afternoon tea'. Replace 'on the other hand' with 'I also' for cohesion. Use present simple 'I also spend' to describe habitual actions rather than 'I will have spent', which is incorrectly using future perfect. Grammar problem type ID: 1

× I would definitely say yes, actually, I really like to sing songs while taking shower or driving cars.

✓ I would definitely say yes. Actually, I really like singing while taking a shower or driving.

Use gerund 'singing' after 'like'. Add article 'a' before 'shower'. 'Driving' alone suffices; 'cars' is unnecessary. Break into two sentences for clarity. This addresses verb form and articles. Grammar problem type ID: 4

× So it is a very, uh, it makes me feel unwind and enjoyable when I listen music and I usually listen a Mandarin pop and the English pop, which is uh, the, the language I can speak.

✓ It makes me feel relaxed and happy when I listen to music. I usually listen to Mandarin pop and English pop, which are the languages I can speak.

Use adjective 'relaxed' instead of the verb 'unwind' to describe feeling. 'Enjoyable' describes things, not feelings, so use 'happy'. Use 'listen to music' with the preposition 'to'. Use plural noun forms 'Mandarin pop and English pop' and plural verb agreement 'which are'. Clarify 'languages I can speak'. Grammar problem type ID: 8

× So it is a very, uh, it makes me feel unwind and enjoyable when I listen music and I usually listen a Mandarin pop and the English pop, which is uh, the, the language I can speak.

✓ It makes me feel relaxed and happy when I listen to music. I usually listen to Mandarin pop and English pop, which are the languages I can speak.

Add 'to' after 'listen', remove extra definite article 'the' before genres, and use plural agreement 'languages'. This fixes article misuse. Grammar problem type ID: 22

× Well, there are many, uh, ways to relax and one of the most important things is doing exercise.

✓ Well, there are many ways to relax, and one of the most important things is exercising.

Use the present participle 'exercising' as a noun (gerund) to describe an activity: 'is exercising' or alternatively 'is to exercise'. 'Doing exercise' is less natural. Grammar problem type ID: 10

× For example, uh, I usually go to tennis court or basketball court to play with my friends so that it can help me to relieve my release, my stress and also I can get full of energy.

✓ For example, I usually go to the tennis court or the basketball court to play with my friends because it helps me relieve my stress and feel full of energy.

Include definite articles 'the' before specific courts. Replace awkward 'so that it can help me to relieve my release, my stress' with 'because it helps me relieve my stress'. 'Get full of energy' is changed to 'feel full of energy' for idiomatic accuracy. Also remove repeated words. Grammar problem type ID: 11

× For example, uh, I usually go to tennis court or basketball court to play with my friends so that it can help me to relieve my release, my stress and also I can get full of energy.

✓ For example, I usually go to the tennis or basketball court to play with my friends because it helps me relieve stress and feel energized.

Remove filler 'uh', use concise phrasing, and correct collocations: 'relieve stress' and 'feel energized' are natural. This addresses sentence structure and word choice. Grammar problem type ID: 26}]}