Science— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct word choice and grammar, and provide one clear reason with a linking word. Avoid filler words and repetition. Replace vague or incorrect terms (e.g., “curricularism”) with accurate vocabulary (e.g., “school subjects” or “the curriculum”), and fix word order (e.g., “how machines work”).

例: Yes, I enjoy studying science, especially physics and mathematics, because I like understanding how machines work. For example, physics helps me figure out the forces and motions inside engines, which I find fascinating.

提案: Give a clear time reference and use linking words to show progression. Avoid repetition and use correct subject terms (e.g., “biology” not “biologics”). Add a brief specific example of topics learned at each stage.

例: I began learning science in elementary school, where we covered basic concepts like plants and simple experiments. Later, in junior high school, we studied biology and physics, such as cell structure and basic mechanics.

提案: Provide a grammatically correct topic sentence and one specific reason with clear linking words. Fix subject-verb agreement and word order (e.g., “many machines around us work because of physics” or “work by physics” -> “operate according to physical principles”). Avoid trailing off.

例: I find physics the most interesting because many everyday machines operate according to physical principles. For instance, understanding electricity explains how household appliances and smartphones function.

提案: Respond with a clear past tense statement, use linking words to describe purpose and result, and provide a specific detail about the experiment. Correct question-like phrasing into a description (e.g., “an experiment on insect collection”).

例: In high school, my science club conducted an experiment on collecting and classifying insects to study biodiversity. We used nets and traps, then identified species under a microscope to learn about their habitats.

提案: Keep the answer natural and add a specific example of what you learned. Use linking words to show effect (e.g., “because” or “so”) and correct phrasing like “mechanics” or “scientific mechanics” if you mean mechanics.

例: Yes, I enjoy watching science programs, especially NHK documentaries, because they explain complex ideas clearly. For example, a program on robotics inspired me to study mechanical principles in more depth.

提案: Be cautious making broad generalizations. Start with a balanced topic sentence, use linking words (e.g., “generally” or “often”), and give a specific reason or observation. Improve cohesion and reduce repetition.

例: Generally, many Chinese people do visit science museums, especially families and students, because these museums offer interactive exhibits and educational programs. For instance, school trips to museums are common in major cities like Beijing and Shanghai.

× I'm good at curricularism and uh, I I want to know the how the machine works and how.

✓ I'm good at curricular topics, and I want to know how machines work.

The original uses 'curricularism', an incorrect word form. 'Curricular topics' or 'school subjects' fits. Also 'the how the machine works and how' is redundant and ungrammatical; change to 'how machines work'. Combine clauses and remove filler words. Improve clarity by using plural 'machines' when speaking generally (subject-verb agreement).

× I started to learn about science from elementary school, but at first we started so easy, easy questions and after entering junior high school we studied biologics and physics and.

✓ I started learning about science in elementary school, and at first we had very easy questions; after entering junior high school, we studied biology and physics.

Use 'started learning' (common collocation) and 'in elementary school' (correct preposition). 'Started so easy, easy questions' is incorrect; use 'we had very easy questions'. 'Biologics' is the wrong noun; the correct subject name is 'biology'. Remove trailing 'and'. Use past tense consistently for past experience and add punctuation for clarity.

× Physics is most interesting to me because many machines around us works by physics and it is interesting to me to know how work day and.

✓ Physics is the most interesting subject to me because many machines around us operate based on physics, and I find it interesting to know how they work in daily life.

Use 'the most interesting' to form the superlative (article error/structure). 'Machines ... works' is wrong: plural subject requires 'work' or 'operate'; use 'operate' for clarity. 'By physics' is awkward; 'based on physics' is natural. 'How work day and' is incomplete; replace with 'how they work in daily life.'

× When I was in high school, our science group did an experiment that how do we collect insects? And that was interesting to me to know about insects.

✓ When I was in high school, our science group did an experiment on how to collect insects, and that was interesting to me.

Embedded question 'how do we collect insects?' should be converted to a noun clause 'how to collect insects' or 'how we collect insects' in reported speech. The original mixes direct-question word order into a statement. Also the second clause is wordy; simplify to 'that was interesting to me.'

× Yes, I like watching science TV, especially NHK programs. After watching that I started to want to know more about science mechanics more deeply.

✓ Yes, I like watching science TV, especially NHK programs. After watching them, I wanted to learn more about the mechanics of science in greater depth.

'That' should refer to plural 'programs' so use 'them'. 'Started to want to know' is wordy; 'wanted to learn' is natural. 'Science mechanics' is awkward—use 'the mechanics of science'. 'More deeply' placed at end is awkward; 'in greater depth' is clearer.

× Yes, I think so many Chinese people like science and they have money to visit museum so Chinese people can. We can see Chinese people in museum very often.

✓ Yes, I think many Chinese people like science and can afford to visit museums, so we often see Chinese people in museums.

'So many' plus 'I think' is awkward; 'many' suffices. 'They have money to visit museum' is ungrammatical—use 'can afford to visit museums' and plural 'museums'. Remove the fragmented sentence 'so Chinese people can.' Combine ideas into one clear sentence and use 'we often see' for natural phrasing.