Science— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and clear: give a direct topic sentence, then one or two specific supporting points using correct grammar and linking words. Avoid vague phrases and repetition.

例: Yes, I like science because it helps me understand how things are made and why they behave the way they do. For example, chemistry explains how materials react, and biology shows how living organisms function, which makes the world more interesting to me.

提案: State the time directly, then give one clear, grammatically correct detail about what you learned. Use simple linking words and correct verb forms.

例: I started learning science in the first grade at elementary school. At that time we learned basic ideas like what science is and simple experiments to observe plants and animals.

提案: Good topic choice and reasons; improve coherence by combining sentences and avoiding repetition. Add one specific example or detail to show depth.

例: Astronomy interests me most because it explains the structure of the universe, planets and stars. For example, I enjoy learning about constellations and how telescopes reveal distant galaxies.

提案: Be specific and clearer: describe one activity in a structured way (what you did, how you did it, and what you learned). Use correct tense and vocabulary (e.g., "earthquake simulation").

例: I took part in an earthquake simulation in eighth grade where we built a model foundation, placed sand to represent soil, and shook the table to observe how different structures responded. From this I learned how building design affects earthquake resistance.

提案: Answer directly, then give concise reasons and a specific example of a program or episode. Avoid repetitive phrasing and group similar items naturally.

例: Yes, I enjoy science programs, especially on Nat Geo, because they explain wildlife and ecosystems clearly. For instance, a recent episode about rainforest food chains taught me how different species depend on each other.

提案: Give a concise, honest opinion and then relate it to your own experience. Use clear linking words (however, personally) and avoid repetition.

例: I’m not sure about the habits of Chinese people in general; however, I think many people visit science museums if they are curious. Personally, I often visit science museums because I enjoy learning through hands-on exhibits and experiments.

× Yes, I do like science because it helps me explore on the things, how they're made, how they are formed, where did they come from.

✓ Yes, I do like science because it helps me explore things: how they're made, how they are formed, and where they come from.

Remove the incorrect preposition 'on' after 'explore' (explore takes a direct object). Also change the clause 'where did they come from' to 'where they come from' to form an indirect question (no subject-auxiliary inversion). Use 'and' to join the list items for clarity.

× I started to learn science in elementary school, to be specific in the 1st grade. They teaches me basic science defend fundamental 1 where how science is, what science is and what they they should do.

✓ I started to learn science in elementary school, to be specific in the 1st grade. They taught me basic science and fundamental ideas about what science is and what we should do.

Change 'teaches' to 'taught' to match past tense ('started' indicates past). Fix pronoun and article issues by replacing the unclear phrase with 'taught me basic science and fundamental ideas'. Replace 'they they' with 'we' to make the subject clear. These changes correct verb tense and agreement and clarify meaning.

× The one that caught my interest in science back then was astronomy, because I like how it teaches us the overall universe, the planet itself, and the stars, to be specific.

✓ The one that caught my interest in science back then was astronomy because I like how it teaches us about the universe, the planets, and the stars.

Remove the unnecessary comma before 'because'. Use 'about' to connect 'teaches us' with its objects. Change 'the overall universe' to 'the universe' and 'the planet itself' to 'the planets' for natural phrasing and to match the plural reference to multiple planets.

× Because I love stars and the constellations and everything about the universe and the galaxies.

✓ I love stars, constellations, and everything about the universe and the galaxies.

This fragment started with 'Because' creating a sentence fragment; change to a full sentence by removing 'Because'. Also simplify the list punctuation for clarity. This fixes a sentence structure error and pronoun/reference clarity.

× I never experienced a lot, but there was once a time in my 8th grade where we have to observe the earthquake default where we have to place the sand and causes a shake and we will determine how how.

✓ I did not have many experiences, but once in 8th grade we had to observe an earthquake simulation where we placed sand, caused shaking, and determined the effects.

Change present tense 'have to' and 'will determine' to past tense 'had to' and 'determined' to match 'once in 8th grade'. Replace 'earthquake default' with 'earthquake simulation' for correct terminology. Remove duplicate 'how' and clarify actions in past tense.

× Yes, I do. Particularly I like Nat Geo TV program. I mean it's a channel and I like that Channel because it teaches us, it teaches me everything about living organisms.

✓ Yes, I do. In particular, I like the Nat Geo TV program. It's a channel I like because it teaches me about living organisms.

Change 'Particularly' to 'In particular' for natural adverbial use. Use article 'the' before 'Nat Geo TV program'. Combine sentences to avoid awkward repetition 'it teaches us, it teaches me' and use 'teaches me' consistently. This addresses verb phrase and article use and improves flow.

× I mean up to an animal, to the fungi, up to the worms and up to the birds.

✓ I mean animals, fungi, worms, and birds.

Remove incorrect prepositions 'up to' which are unnecessary. Use simple nouns in a list. This corrects prepositional misuse and makes the sentence concise.

× I can't say anything about that because I am not Chinese myself. Maybe some of them if they are interested in science, but if you were to ask me, I would. I would often visit science museums because I want to explore more and discover more things.

✓ I can't say for sure because I am not Chinese. Maybe some do if they are interested in science. If you asked me, I would often visit science museums because I want to explore and discover more.

Change 'say anything about that' to 'say for sure' for natural phrasing. Replace 'some of them' with 'some do' to clearly refer to people visiting museums. Change 'if you were to ask me, I would. I would often visit' to a single conditional sentence 'If you asked me, I would often visit' to avoid redundancy and correct conditional structure.