Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Use correct verb tenses and make sentences more concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid repetition ("teach" used multiple times) and unnecessary background. Keep under five sentences.

例: Yes. My parents taught me to share from a young age. For example, when my sister was born we were encouraged to take turns with toys and puppets, which helped us play together peacefully.

提案: Be more specific and structured: give a clear topic sentence about current habits, then one or two concrete examples. Avoid contradictory phrasing without clarification. Use linking words like "however" or "nowadays" appropriately.

例: I usually enjoy sharing different things with others, especially food and snacks. For instance, while I disliked sharing food as a child, living in Korea taught me to share side dishes with friends, so now I often pass dishes around at meals.

提案: Good clear answer and reason. Slightly tighten language and add a linking phrase to show reason/result. Keep it concise and natural.

例: I would never share my used toothbrush because it is unhygienic and could spread germs, so I always keep personal hygiene items to myself.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence, then give specific details. Avoid overlong lists and be careful with tense consistency. Use linking words to connect events and feelings.

例: Yes. Last week I shared food at a picnic with friends by the lake. Everyone brought different dishes—some homemade fruit and some store-bought snacks—so we enjoyed a variety of food and a pleasant, cool afternoon together.

提案: Very clear and personal. Minor improvements: make sentences slightly shorter and use one linking word for the example. Avoid repeating "sister" relationship twice.

例: I would share good news with my sister first because she is also my best friend. For example, I told her when I passed my university exams and we celebrated the achievement together.

提案: Answer is unclear and ends abruptly. Provide a clear topic sentence about the types of news you share, then explain why with a concrete example. Remove filler words and finish the thought. Use correct phrasing: e.g., "I usually tell my friends important news first."

例: I share both good and bad news with my friends because they offer support and advice. For example, when I faced a difficult decision about moving cities, I told them first and they helped me weigh the pros and cons.

× Yes, my parents teach me how to share.

✓ Yes, my parents taught me how to share.

The context refers to childhood (past), so the verb should be in the past tense. Use 'taught' (past of teach) to match the time reference.

× ...my parents teach us how to share our toys and our puppets and we could play together in peace, which was nice.

✓ ...my parents taught us how to share our toys and our puppets and we could play together in peace, which was nice.

The sentence describes past events, so 'teach' should be in the past tense 'taught' to maintain consistent past narration.

× And for example, when I was a child I didn't like to share food because I thought it's unhygienic.

✓ And for example, when I was a child I didn't like to share food because I thought it was unhygienic.

The clause 'I thought it's unhygienic' mixes past reporting with a present-tense 'it's'. When reporting a past thought, use past tense 'it was' to keep sequence of tenses consistent.

× But nowadays I don't care. When I lived in Korea, I got so used to sharing the side dishes. Now I really prefer it.

✓ But nowadays I don't mind. When I lived in Korea, I got used to sharing the side dishes. Now I really prefer it.

'Don't care' is colloquial; 'don't mind' more naturally expresses willingness to share. 'Got so used to' is redundant; use 'got used to' or 'became used to'. This keeps tense and meaning clear.

× I usually don't mind sharing, but one thing I would definitely not share is my used toothbrush.

✓ I usually don't mind sharing, but one thing I would definitely not share is my toothbrush.

'Used toothbrush' is redundant because a toothbrush is commonly 'used'. Removing 'used' avoids awkwardness; sentence tense and structure are otherwise correct.

× Yes I did. Last week I met some friends for a picnic by the lake and everyone was either bringing homemade fruit or bought food from the store and then we had a picnic together and ate all the different dishes and it felt nice and cool.

✓ Yes I did. Last week I met some friends for a picnic by the lake and everyone either brought homemade fruit or bought food from the store, then we had a picnic together and ate all the different dishes and it felt nice and cool.

Narration of a past event requires past simple: 'brought' instead of 'was bringing' to match 'bought'. Using consistent past simple verbs keeps the timeline clear. Also simplifying conjunctions improves flow.

× The first person I would share good news with is my sister because she's not only my sister but also my best friend and that's why I want to share it with her first.

✓ The first person I would share good news with is my sister because she is not only my sister but also my best friend, and that's why I want to share it with her first.

This sentence mainly needs minor punctuation and contraction expansion for formality; 'she's' to 'she is' avoids informal contraction, and adding a comma before 'and' clarifies the compound clause. The tense is appropriate.

× The last good news I shared with her was when I passed my exams in university and we celebrated it together.

✓ The last good news I shared with her was that I passed my exams at university and we celebrated together.

Use 'was that I passed' to introduce the content of the news. 'At university' is the common preposition for being enrolled; remove redundant 'it' after 'celebrated'.

× I usually share all kind of news with my friends, either good news or bad news, it doesn't matter because I know my friends will be there for me.

✓ I usually share all kinds of news with my friends, either good news or bad news; it doesn't matter because I know my friends will be there for me.

'All kind of' is incorrect; the plural 'all kinds of' is required. Also use a semicolon or period to separate the independent clauses for clarity.

× One of the things that I stand by is that I have to proceed to the news 1st and then I will share it with them Umm yeah, as soon as I.

✓ One of the things I insist on is that I need to hear the news myself first, and then I will share it with them.

Original sentence is ungrammatical and unclear. 'Stand by' is awkward here; 'insist on' or 'stand by' meaning differs. 'Proceed to the news 1st' is unnatural; use 'hear the news myself first'. Remove filler 'Umm yeah, as soon as I.' to produce a complete sentence.