Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答は簡潔だが文法と語順の誤り、言い直しが多く、明瞭さに欠けます。トピックセンテンスを明確にし、理由や具体例を一つ加えると良いです。また、不要な「umm」や繰り返しを避ける練習をしてください。

例: Yes, my parents taught me to share when I was a child. They always told me to give things to friends who needed them because sharing builds friendships. For example, I often shared my toys with classmates at school.

提案: 意図は伝わるが文の繰り返しと不必要な語が多い。主節をはっきり述べ、理由をつなぎ言葉で簡潔に示してください。具体的な例（どんな食べ物か）を一つ加えると良いです。

例: I like to share delicious food with others because it makes me happier to see them enjoy it. For example, I often bring homemade cookies to share with my friends.

提案: 答えは具体性があるが、文法が不正確で冗長です。簡潔な主文を使い、例を明確に述べてください。理由も一つの文で説明しましょう。

例: Items that are difficult to divide are not suitable for sharing. For instance, liquids like soup or yogurt are hard to share because they can spill and can't be split easily.

提案: 伝えたい内容は分かるが、語順と時制、冠詞の使い方、不要な繰り返しに問題があります。過去の出来事なら過去形を一貫して使い、どんな食べ物かを具体的に示すと説得力が増します。

例: Yes, I recently shared some famous Japanese snacks with a friend from the US. They wanted to try popular treats like rice crackers and mochi, so I gave them a small selection.

提案: 答えが曖昧で文法ミスが多く、主語と複数形の一致が問題です。『誰に・なぜ』を明確に述べ、理由を簡潔に説明してください。話す練習で流暢さを上げましょう。

例: I would first share good news with my sisters because we are very close and I always tell them things quickly. They are the people who celebrate with me and give advice.

提案: 意図は伝わるが文が不自然で繰り返しが多いです。主文で種類をはっきり述べ、理由を一つの補足文で説明してください。具体例もあると良いです。

例: I usually share positive news with my friends, such as funny stories or achievements that make me happy. Sharing these moments lifts our mood and creates a cheerful atmosphere.

× Yes they did. Umm. They said to me that if you, if your friends want to do with you or want to want what you have, you should share that when, when whenever you do, for example.

✓ Yes, they did. They told me that if your friends want to play with you or want what you have, you should share with them whenever you can.

The student mixed past reporting with conditional present and used incorrect verb forms. Use 'told me' and a clear present conditional: 'want' (not 'want to want') and 'play with you' fits context. Also use 'share with them' for correct object. Keep tense consistent (past reporting + general present condition).

× I like to share like food which is which is very delicious for me, because if I share the food which I think delicious umm with other people, I feel more happy.

✓ I like to share food that I find very delicious because when I share food I like with other people, I feel happier.

Redundant 'like' and awkward relative clause. Use 'that I find very delicious' for a defining clause. Use comparative adverb 'happier' not 'more happy'. Place adjectives and clauses in natural order. Remove filler words.

× The thing which is not easy to divide because like like liquid food or like yogurt because it is hard to share because it can not.

✓ Things that are hard to divide, such as liquids or yogurt, are not easy to share.

Original sentence is repetitive and ungrammatical. Use 'Things that are hard to divide' as subject, give examples with 'such as', and end with a clear predicate. Remove repeated 'because' and fillers.

× I shared the the Japanese famous food with the friend food where came from the US because they want to eat the food the delicious Japanese snacks, so I share them.

✓ I shared famous Japanese food with a friend who came from the US because they wanted to try delicious Japanese snacks, so I shared them.

Tense inconsistency and word order issues. Use past tense consistently: 'shared', 'came', 'wanted', and proper relative clause 'a friend who came from the US'. 'Try' fits better than 'eat the food the delicious'.

× I I especially want to share the good news to my sisters because I often talk new things to my sister quickly. They what I it's which happy news.

✓ I especially want to share good news with my sisters because I often tell my sisters new things quickly when I have happy news.

Incorrect preposition 'share ... to' should be 'share ... with'. Pronoun and number agreement confused: use 'sisters' consistently. 'Tell' is the correct verb for conveying news. Rearrange clause order to be clear and grammatical.

× I often share with my friends about the news, which is good and makes me happy and laugh because it's if we if I share that news, our our atmosphere very well make me become.

✓ I often share good news with my friends because it makes me happy and makes them laugh, and it creates a good atmosphere when I do.

Awkward phrasing and redundant words. Use 'share good news with my friends' (no 'about the news'). Replace 'our our atmosphere very well make me become' with 'it creates a good atmosphere'. Keep clauses coherent and concise.