Sharing— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence that answers the question clearly, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and fix grammar (e.g., tense and word choice). Use linking words like "because" or "so" to make the reason clear. Keep to a maximum of about 3–4 sentences.

例: No, my parents didn’t teach me much about sharing when I was a child because I was the youngest and often spoiled. For example, they would buy me toys and treats just for me, so I rarely had to give things to my siblings. As a result, I learned to be less generous until later in life.

提案: Answer directly then give a specific reason and a short example. Reduce hesitation words (umm) and choose precise vocabulary (e.g., "skincare" not "skin care" if compound). Use a linking word such as "because" to connect reason and feeling.

例: I like to share makeup and skincare products because I often buy duplicates. For example, when I buy two of the same face masks, I give one to my sister because it makes me feel helpful and close to her.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence naming the items, then explain why with one specific reason and an example. Correct word choice and grammar (e.g., "personal items", "your touch", "makeup brushes"). Avoid listing unclear items; be concise and precise.

例: Personal items such as underwear, toothbrushes and makeup brushes are not suitable for sharing because they touch your skin and can spread germs. For instance, sharing a makeup brush can cause skin irritation or infection.

提案: Answer the question directly with a short clear sentence, avoid informal or exaggerated phrases like "literally broke" in formal testing, and fix grammar ("neither...nor", "what's left"). Provide a brief explanation if needed.

例: Not at the moment — I haven’t shared anything recently because I’m short on money and need to keep what’s left for myself. Once my finances improve, I plan to share small treats with my family.

提案: Begin with a direct statement naming the person, then give a clear reason. Use accurate vocabulary (e.g., "cheers me up" not "cherries me up") and correct tense/structure. Avoid fillers and keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I would share good news with my mother first because she always supports and cheers me up. For example, when I got a promotion last year, I called her immediately and she celebrated my success with me.

提案: Start with a concise topic sentence and list specific types of news, using correct grammar ("the kinds of news I share are"). Remove hesitations and add a brief example to make it concrete.

例: The kinds of news I share with my friends are career updates and academic achievements. For instance, if I start a new job or complete a degree, I usually message them and celebrate together.

× Well to be honest, since I am the youngest child, I am supposed to be spoiled.

✓ Well, to be honest, since I am the youngest child, I am supposed to be spoiled.

Minor punctuation: add comma after 'Well' to reflect natural speech rhythm. This is not a tense error but improves clarity. Keep present tense 'am' consistent for current state.

× So they used to spoil me and buy me particular things and I didn't.

✓ So they used to spoil me and buy me particular things, and I didn't know how to refuse them.

The original sentence ends abruptly with 'I didn't' which is incomplete. Use past tense 'didn't know' to match 'used to' and complete the idea. Add a clause explaining what 'I didn't' refers to.

× I didn't really know how to share things with my siblings.

✓ I didn't really know how to share things with my siblings.

Sentence is grammatically correct; it correctly uses past tense 'didn't know' to describe a past inability. No change needed.

× Well, I usually buy a lot of makeup and skin care products so I have umm, excessive amounts.

✓ Well, I usually buy a lot of makeup and skincare products, so I have excessive amounts.

Use present simple 'usually buy' for habitual action. Combine 'skin care' into 'skincare' (common compound) and remove filler 'umm'. Add comma before 'so' for clarity.

× And I always like to share with my sister because this makes me feel, umm, somehow empathetic.

✓ And I always like to share with my sister because it makes me feel empathetic.

Replace 'this' with 'it' to refer back to the act of sharing. Remove 'somehow' and filler 'umm' for clarity. 'Makes me feel empathetic' is correct present tense for a general truth.

× I think personal things are definitely not suitable for sharing because that's something supposed to stay only to you and it has yours and it has your touch on it.

✓ I think personal things are definitely not suitable for sharing because they are supposed to stay with you and have your personal touch.

Use plural 'they' to match 'personal things' (singular/plural agreement). Change 'that's something supposed to stay only to you' to 'they are supposed to stay with you'. Replace awkward phrases 'it has yours and it has your touch on it' with 'have your personal touch'.

× So I think that clothes and makeup brush.

✓ So I think clothes and makeup brushes are not suitable for sharing.

Original fragment lacks verb and number agreement. Add plural 'brushes' to match 'clothes' and include verb phrase 'are not suitable for sharing' to complete the sentence.

× Well recently I'm literally broke so I'm not sharing anything with neither my mom or my sister.

✓ Well, recently I'm literally broke, so I'm not sharing anything with either my mom or my sister.

Use 'either...or' for negative or exclusive choice; 'neither...nor' would also work but requires structure 'neither my mom nor my sister'. 'With neither my mom or my sister' is incorrect. Add commas for clarity.

× I'm just trying my best to keep what what left only for me.

✓ I'm just trying my best to keep what is left only for me.

Remove duplicated 'what', add the verb 'is' to complete the relative clause 'what is left'. This corrects sentence structure and tense (present continuous 'I'm trying').

× Well the first person that I always share good news with is my mom because she always matches my energy and uh, cherries me more up than umm than I am.

✓ Well, the first person I always share good news with is my mom because she always matches my energy and cheers me up more than I can myself.

Replace 'cherries' with correct verb 'cheers' and correct 'cheers me up more than I am' to 'cheers me up more than I can myself' or 'more than I do'. Also remove redundant 'that' and fillers for fluency.

× So I always had to her to tell her the good news.

✓ So I always had to go to her to tell her the good news.

Original is ungrammatical. Insert verb phrase 'go to her' to indicate direction, and keep past tense 'had to' if referring to past habit. Alternatively, use present 'I always go to her' for current habit.

× The kind of news that I usually share with my friends are my employment, uh, news and my if I got a particular degree, I would tell them.

✓ The kind of news I usually share with my friends is employment news, and if I get a particular degree, I would tell them.

Match subject-verb agreement: 'the kind of news... is' (singular). Remove filler 'uh' and reorder 'employment news'. Change 'if I got' to conditional 'if I get' to match likely future condition; 'would tell them' is fine for hypothetical result.