Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer directly, then give a few clear details about who gave you the bike and how you used it. Use natural phrasing such as “gave it to me as a gift” and “when I first saw it.” Avoid repeating “really,” saying “I remember” several times, or trailing off mid-sentence. Aim to finish in three or four sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My uncle gave me a second-hand one as a gift after I passed fifth grade. I loved it, and for the first week I went out riding every evening.

提案: Give a direct answer and support it with the gift-giving custom you described. Replace “damn popular” with a more appropriate phrase such as “very popular,” and make the explanation more fluent by avoiding the repeated list structure. You could also add a specific detail about why bikes are useful or appealing.

例: Yes, bicycles are quite popular in my country. Many parents or relatives give them to children as a reward for doing well at school, especially between fifth and tenth grade. They’re also useful because children can ride them around their neighbourhood.

× It was a second-hand bike as far as I recollect, but I really, really loved it when I saw it first.

✓ It was a second-hand bike, as far as I can recollect, but I really, really loved it when I first saw it.

In this sentence, first should come before the verb phrase saw it. Placing it there is the natural position for an adverb that describes when an action happened.

× And I remember for a a period of about one week I was going out every evening, riding my bike.

✓ And I remember that for a period of about one week, I went out every evening riding my bike.

The article a is repeated accidentally. Use it only once before period. The revised sentence also uses a clearer structure for describing a regular activity during a past period.