Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer directly, then give the relevant details in a clear order. Reduce fillers such as “um” and “like,” and avoid the extra “it” after “ride” (say “ride around our yard”). Replace “I was really cheerful about it” with a more natural phrase such as “I was thrilled with it.”

例: Yes, I did. My dad bought me a cute pink bike for my third birthday, and I rode it around our yard every day. I was thrilled to have my own bike.

提案: Your answer gives a clear opinion and mentions people of different ages, but it is unfinished and contains many repeated fillers. Use “people of all ages,” complete your final idea, and add a specific reason or example to explain why bikes are popular.

例: Absolutely. Bikes are popular in my country among people of all ages. For example, children ride them for fun, while many adults cycle to parks for exercise. They’re also a convenient way to get around.

× Um, and my birthday like um I was three years old back then and my dad just bought me...

✓ It was on my birthday, when I was three years old, that my dad bought me...

The original joins the ideas about the birthday, the student’s age, and the purchase without a clear grammatical structure. Use a complete clause to connect the birthday and age to the event. For example, say: It was on my birthday, when I was three years old, that my dad bought me a bike.

× a pink really girly and cute bike

✓ a really cute, girly pink bike

In English, opinion adjectives generally come before color adjectives. Put cute and girly before pink, and place really directly before the adjective it modifies: really cute.

× a bike that I used to ride it around our yard every day

✓ a bike that I used to ride around our yard every day

The relative pronoun that already refers to the bike and functions as the object of ride. Adding it repeats the object unnecessarily. Use either a bike that I used to ride or I used to ride it.

× people from different ages

✓ people of different ages

Use of to describe the ages of people in this expression. From usually indicates origin or a starting point, so people from different ages is not the appropriate phrase.

× you will always see them um that they're riding a bike, going to a park to exercise

✓ you will always see them riding bikes or going to a park to exercise

The construction see them that they are riding is not grammatical here. After see, use an object followed by a present participle to describe what the person is doing: see them riding. Use or to connect the alternative activities.