Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer directly, then describe how you learned and who you rode with. Avoid repeating “after school” and “free time”; say “in my free time after school.” Use consistent past tense: “when I got better” and “I would ride.” Also, “some free time” or simply “free time” is more natural than “a free time.” Break the long final sentence into shorter, connected ideas.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. I taught myself to ride it outside our house and practised in my free time after school. Once I got better, I would ride around the neighborhood with my cousins and friends.

提案: Give a clear comparison between urban and rural areas, and support it with your personal experience. Replace “more on in” with “especially in,” and say “people use bikes” for a general habit. Use “the city where I live” and “cars” rather than “where I am living” and “more of cars.” Keep the past-tense detail consistent when describing your time in the countryside.

例: Yes, I think bikes are popular in my country, especially in the countryside. In the city where I live, people tend to rely more on cars, but when I lived in the countryside, many people used bikes for getting around. Seeing them ride inspired me to learn.

× So every time when I had a free time from school after school I would practice riding it and when I'm good at it I will ride it with my cousins, neighbors and friends.

✓ So every time I had free time after school, I would practice riding it, and when I got good at it, I would ride it with my cousins, neighbors, and friends.

Every time already introduces a time clause, so adding when is redundant. Use every time I had rather than every time when I had.

× So every time when I had a free time from school after school I would practice riding it and when I'm good at it I will ride it with my cousins, neighbors and friends.

✓ So every time when I had free time from school after school I would practice riding it and when I'm good at it I will ride it with my cousins, neighbors and friends.

Free time is an uncountable noun in this context, so it does not take the article a. Say had free time.

× So every time when I had a free time from school after school I would practice riding it and when I'm good at it I will ride it with my cousins, neighbors and friends.

✓ So every time when I had a free time from school after school I would practice riding it and when I got good at it I would ride it with my cousins, neighbors and friends.

The speaker is describing a past routine, so the verbs in the final clause should also refer to the past. Use got and would ride instead of I'm and will ride.

× I think bikes are popular in my country but more on in the countryside because in the city where I am living right now we use more of cars.

✓ I think bikes are popular in my country, but more so in the countryside because in the city where I am living right now we use more of cars.

More on is not the correct expression for saying that something is more common in a particular place. Use more so in the countryside.

× I think bikes are popular in my country but more on in the countryside because in the city where I am living right now we use more of cars.

✓ I think bikes are popular in my country but more on in the countryside because in the city where I am living right now we use more cars.

More of is generally used before a determiner or pronoun, as in more of the cars. When comparing the number of cars used in general, say more cars.

× But back when I was living in the countryside, a lot of people are using bikes.

✓ But back when I was living in the countryside, a lot of people were using bikes.

The sentence describes a situation in the past, so the verb should also be in the past. Use were using instead of are using.