Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer the question directly and use more natural expressions. “One of them was favorite” should be “one of them was my favorite,” and “very cool to be appearing” is unclear; say “it looked very cool” instead. Also, “take that in my school” should be “ride it to school,” and “wherever I can” should be “whenever I could.” Avoid repeating “I used to” and organize the answer with a clear reason or memorable detail.

例: Yes, I had two bikes when I was a child, but one of them was my favorite. It looked really cool and had a bright sticker on the frame. I used to ride it to school, play on it in the playground, and explore my neighborhood whenever I could.

提案: Give a concise topic sentence and avoid repeating “in my country.” Replace vague fillers such as “like,” “you know,” and “you can say” with precise language. Also, distinguish between bicycles and motorcycles if necessary, because “motor vehicles are expensive” does not clearly explain which type of bike you mean. Improve the linking by using “because” and “in addition,” and give a specific result, such as reduced transport costs or better health.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country, mainly because cars and fuel can be expensive. Many people use bicycles for short journeys because they are affordable and convenient. In addition, cycling helps people stay fit and reduces traffic congestion, especially in large cities.

× one of them was favorite

✓ one of them was my favorite

The noun favorite needs a determiner in this sentence. The possessive determiner my correctly shows that this bike was the speaker's preferred bike.

× I used to take that in my school, in my playground

✓ I used to take it to school and to the playground

Use the preposition to with take when describing movement toward a destination. In is not appropriate here because the sentence describes going to school and the playground.

× wherever I can

✓ wherever I could

The sentence describes a repeated activity in the past, shown by used to take. Therefore, can should change to its past form, could.

× it also makes you a bit fitter

✓ they also make you a bit fitter

The pronoun it is singular, but it refers to bikes, which is plural. Use they to agree with the plural noun bikes.

× bikes ... it also makes you a bit fitter

✓ bikes ... they also make you a bit fitter

A plural subject such as bikes takes the plural verb make, not the singular form makes. The subject and verb must agree in number.

× bikes which are a cheaper version

✓ bikes, which are cheaper options

The plural noun bikes should be matched with a plural complement. Cheaper options agrees with bikes, whereas a cheaper version is singular.

× it also makes you a bit fitter than driving a motor vehicle

✓ they also make you a bit fitter than you would be when driving a motor vehicle

The original sentence compares a person, you, with an activity, driving a motor vehicle. For a clearer grammatical comparison, compare your fitness level when riding bikes with your fitness level when driving.