Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Answer the question directly and organize your response into a clear topic sentence followed by one or two supporting details. Avoid frequent fillers such as “uh” and “umm,” the informal filler “like,” and the unfinished explanation at the end. Use the correct phrase “on an occasion” or, more naturally, “during a festival.” Briefly explain Bhai Dooj instead of comparing it unclearly with Rakhi.

例: Yes, I had a bicycle when I was a child. It had little ribbons on it, and my older brother gave it to me as a gift during Bhai Dooj, a Hindu festival that celebrates the bond between brothers and sisters. I was very excited to receive it and used to ride it around my neighborhood.

提案: Give a more precise answer by stating that bicycles are particularly popular among children and teenagers, rather than saying only that bikes are “quite popular.” Reduce fillers and repetition, such as “uh” and “go to tu tuitions.” Use a clearer linking structure, such as “Although..., bicycles are especially common among...” Also, explain why students use bicycles, for example, because they are affordable and convenient for traveling to classes.

例: Yes, bicycles are fairly popular in my country, especially among children and teenagers. Although many adults prefer cars or motorcycles, students often cycle to school or private classes because bicycles are affordable and convenient. They are particularly useful for people who live several kilometers away from their classes.

× I had a bike with little ribbons on it, and actually, I got it as a gift from my older brother on an occasion which is called Bhaiduj in India.

✓ I had a bike with little ribbons on it, and actually, I got it as a gift from my older brother on an occasion called Bhaiduj in India.

Use the preposition on, not in, with an occasion. Also, called is more natural than which is called when identifying the name of an occasion.

× It is a festival where you can you; it is like Rakhi where you.

✓ It is a festival similar to Rakhi.

The original sentence is incomplete and repeats you can you. It also ends without expressing a complete idea. Use a complete comparison with similar to, followed by the noun Rakhi.

× The kids and teens who go to tuitions over long distance tend to go for a bicycle.

✓ The kids and teenagers who go to tuition classes over long distances tend to ride bicycles.

Long distances is more appropriate because the sentence refers generally to travel over different distances. Bicycles agrees with the general plural subject, and ride bicycles is the natural verb phrase for this meaning.