Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve accuracy, coherence and vocabulary. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct grammar (tenses and word choice), and avoid repetition. Use linking words to add one or two specific supporting details (appearance, memories, reason you liked it). Keep answers under five sentences.

例: Yes. I got my first bike when I was five; my father bought it for me as a birthday present. It was pink and decorated with pictures of princesses, which made it feel very special. I used to ride it every afternoon around our yard because I loved the freedom it gave me.

提案: Make your answer more direct and fluent. Provide a clear topic sentence, then one or two specific reasons using linking words (for example, because, so, therefore). Correct grammar (subject-verb agreement, word order) and avoid filler sounds like 'umm' and 'uh'.

例: Not really. In Hanoi most people prefer motorbikes or cars because they are faster and more practical for commuting. For example, motorbikes are easier to park and navigate through heavy traffic, so bicycles are mostly used for leisure rather than daily travel.

× I had my first bike when I was 5.

✓ I got my first bike when I was five.

The verb 'had' is not incorrect but 'got' is more natural when describing receiving a gift. Also spell out small numbers in written speech for formality. No tense change needed; still simple past.

× My dad bought it for me.

✓ My dad bought it for me.

This sentence is grammatically correct in simple past and needs no change. It correctly expresses a completed action in the past.

× It is degraded by pink color and Princess.

✓ It was decorated in pink with a princess design.

Original uses 'degraded' incorrectly; the intended meaning is 'decorated'. Also tense should be past ('was') to match earlier past narration. 'Princess' should be described as a design or motif, not a standalone noun.

× Many princesses on there and that is my first bite.

✓ There were many princesses on it, and that bike was my first one.

Original lacks a verb in the first clause ('on there' is incorrect). Use 'There were' + plural noun. 'That is my first bite' contains wrong word 'bite' instead of 'bike' and mixes present tense; change to past 'was' to match context.

× So I really like it and this is the bike.

✓ So I really liked it; that was my bike.

The student narrates past experiences, so verbs should be in past tense ('liked', 'was') rather than present. Also 'this is the bike' is awkward in retrospective context; 'that was my bike' is clearer.

× Umm not really because I live in a city in Hanoi city so they are prefer to use umm motorbike and uh their own car more than a bike because it is travel easier and faster.

✓ Not really, because I live in Hanoi city, so people prefer to use motorbikes and their own cars more than bicycles, because these are easier and faster for travel.

Multiple issues corrected while staying within listed problem types: 'they are prefer' is incorrect subject-verb construction — should be 'people prefer' (subject-verb agreement) or 'they prefer'. 'Motorbike' pluralized to 'motorbikes'. 'Bike' changed to 'bicycles' for formality. Phrase 'it is travel easier and faster' is ungrammatical; correct to 'these are easier and faster for travel' to match plural subject and proper adjective order. Tense remains present general statement.