Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 문장이 전반적으로 이해되지만 자연스러운 표현과 간결성이 부족합니다. 'pupil'보다 'child' 또는 'kid'가 더 자연스럽고, 'prowess was significantly poor'와 같은 표현은 어색합니다. 또한 이유와 결과를 연결할 때 연결어 사용은 적절했으나 문장 수가 길고 일부 단어 선택이 부자연스럽습니다. 개선 포인트: (1) 쉬운 어휘로 자연스럽게 말하기, (2) 문장을 2~3개로 간결하게 유지하기, (3) 'so'나 'therefore' 같은 간단한 연결어로 원인·결과 명확히 하기.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child, but I rarely rode it because I couldn't keep my balance. My father tried to teach me, so I eventually gave the bike to a friend who could use it more.

提案: 논지를 전달하려는 의도는 명확하지만 어휘 선택과 문장 구조가 부자연스럽습니다. 'fractional'이나 'mounting' 같은 단어는 문맥에 맞지 않거나 지나치게 격식적입니다. 또한 문장이 길고 반복되는 표현이 있어 간결하게 바꿀 필요가 있습니다. 개선 포인트: (1) 더 자연스러운 단어 선택(예: 'relatively low' 또는 'not very popular'), (2) 이유를 2~3개로 정리하고 각각 간단한 예시로 뒷받침, (3) 연결어를 적절히 사용하여 논리 흐름 유지.

例: I don't think bikes are very popular in my country. Many students have heavy study schedules, so they hardly have time to cycle, and bike prices are quite high, which means some parents can't afford them.

× I had a bike when I was a pupil.

✓ I had a bike when I was a pupil.

This sentence is correct in past tense, no change needed.

× Unfortunately, I rarely rode it because my prowess was significantly poor.

✓ Unfortunately, I rarely rode it because my ability was very poor.

'Prowess' usually has a positive meaning (skill or expertise) and is not natural with 'poor'. 'Ability' or 'skill' fits better. 'Significantly poor' is awkward; use 'very poor' or 'quite poor' to modify adjectives. Suggestion: replace 'prowess' with 'ability' and 'significantly poor' with 'very poor'.

× Though my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

✓ Though my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

This sentence correctly uses past simple to describe a past teaching event and a resulting past inability; no change needed.

× As a consequence, I gave a bike to my friend.

✓ As a consequence, I gave the bike to my friend.

Context indicates a specific bike mentioned earlier, so the definite article 'the' should be used (article error/ sentence structure). Without 'the' it sounds like any bike. Use 'the bike' to refer back to the bike already mentioned.

× From my perspective, the popularity of bikes is fractional.

✓ From my perspective, the popularity of bikes is limited.

'Fractional' is not idiomatic to describe popularity. Use 'limited' or 'relatively low' with present tense 'is'. This corrects word choice and keeps present-tense description.

× As a matter of fact, the vast majority of students are under high academic pressure, therefore they don't have moderate time to ride them.

✓ As a matter of fact, the vast majority of students are under high academic pressure, so they don't have much time to ride bikes.

Run-on sentence: 'therefore' following a comma creates a comma splice; replace with 'so' or use a semicolon. 'Don't have moderate time' is unidiomatic; use 'don't have much time'. Pronoun 'them' is vague; use 'bikes'.

× In addition, the expenditure of bikes is mounting.

✓ In addition, the cost of bikes is rising.

'Expenditure of bikes' is awkward; 'cost of bikes' is natural. 'Mounting' is formal but acceptable; 'rising' is more common in speech. Present continuous/present simple 'is rising/is increasing' fits ongoing trend.

× As a consequence, some parents can't afford to buy them.

✓ As a consequence, some parents can't afford to buy them.

This sentence correctly uses the modal verb 'can't afford to' to express inability to pay; no change needed.