Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and avoid hesitations and repeated phrases such as “Yeah, ah, yes” and “I had.” Use accurate vocabulary: “a bike made by A1,” “training wheels,” and “as I grew older.” The phrase “two sport vehicle” is unclear, so describe the bike’s features directly. Keep the answer to two or three well-connected sentences and use “but” to show the change over time.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was made by A1 and had two training wheels because I was still learning to balance. As I grew older, I became more confident and removed them.

提案: Give a direct answer and then support it with one or two specific reasons or examples. Avoid repetition, such as “various brands,” “different bikes,” and “different kinds.” Use correct plural forms, including “electric bikes” and “regular bikes,” and say “the most recent bike I bought.” Improve the long final sentence by dividing it into shorter sentences and using a linking word such as “For example.”

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are affordable and convenient for short journeys. People can choose from many types, including regular bicycles and electric bikes. For example, I recently bought an electric bike from a company owned by San Kana, one of the country’s biggest celebrities.

× It was a A1 company like a bike with two dash in.

✓ It was an A1 bike with two training wheels.

Use an before A1 because the name of the letter A begins with a vowel sound. The phrase two training wheels is also the grammatically appropriate plural noun phrase for the two additional wheels on a child's bike.

× In the beginning I had uh, it had two sport vehicle 2 sport Tash, but as I grew up I removed them.

✓ In the beginning, it had two training wheels, but as I grew up, I removed them.

The number two requires a plural noun. Therefore, use wheels rather than a singular form. The pronoun them correctly refers to the plural noun training wheels.

× They're electric bike, normal bikes, the recent bike which I bought was an electric bike from a company which is owned by the one of the biggest megastars of our country San Kana.

✓ They are electric bikes and normal bikes. The most recent bike I bought was an electric bike from a company owned by one of the biggest megastars in our country, San Kana.

Because they refers to more than one bike, use the plural noun bikes, not the singular noun bike. Also, one of requires a plural noun, so use one of the biggest megastars rather than one of the biggest megastar. The sentence is divided into two sentences to avoid joining separate ideas with commas.

× They're electric bike, normal bikes, the recent bike which I bought was an electric bike from a company which is owned by the one of the biggest megastars of our country San Kana.

✓ They are electric bikes and normal bikes. The most recent bike I bought was an electric bike from a company owned by one of the biggest megastars in our country, San Kana.

Use and to connect the two types of bikes: electric bikes and normal bikes. The original sentence places several independent ideas next to each other without an appropriate conjunction or punctuation.

× They're electric bike, normal bikes, the recent bike which I bought was an electric bike from a company which is owned by the one of the biggest megastars of our country San Kana.

✓ They are electric bikes and normal bikes. The most recent bike I bought was an electric bike from a company owned by one of the biggest megastars in our country, San Kana.

The original sentence is a comma splice and contains too many ideas in one sentence. Separate the classification of bikes from the information about the student's recently purchased bike. This creates two complete and clearly organized sentences.

× They're electric bike, normal bikes, the recent bike which I bought was an electric bike from a company which is owned by the one of the biggest megastars of our country San Kana.

✓ They are electric bikes and normal bikes. The most recent bike I bought was an electric bike from a company owned by one of the biggest megastars in our country, San Kana.

Do not use the definite article the before one of the biggest megastars. The correct fixed structure is one of the + superlative adjective + plural noun. Also, a comma is used before the person's name because it identifies San Kana.