Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and use natural expressions for age and time. Say “when I was about five” instead of “approximately when I was so five years,” and use “for my birthday” rather than “on my birthday party.” Also, say “I had an accident and injured my legs”; “endured my legs” is incorrect. Use a linking word such as “Unfortunately” to connect the accident to the main idea.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was about five years old. I got it for my birthday, and I was really excited to ride it. Unfortunately, I had an accident a few months later and injured my legs, so I stopped riding for a while.

提案: Answer directly and use the correct comparison structure: “Bikes are less popular in my country than in some other countries.” Replace “our population mostly used curves” with “most people use cars,” assuming you mean cars. Keep the verb tense consistent by using the present simple, and add a specific reason or example to make the answer more developed.

例: No, I don’t think bikes are very popular in my country. Most people prefer to use cars or public transportation because they need to travel long distances and the roads are not always bike-friendly. However, cycling is becoming more popular among young people for exercise and leisure.

× Approximately when I was So five years, I had a bike which I bought on my birthday party, but after this I had accident where I endured my legs.

✓ Approximately when I was five years old, I had a bike that I bought for my birthday, but after that, I had an accident in which I injured my legs.

The phrase five years is incomplete when stating a person's age. Use five years old. The word old is required after the plural age expression.

× Approximately when I was So five years, I had a bike which I bought on my birthday party, but after this I had accident where I endured my legs.

✓ Approximately when I was five years old, I had a bike that I bought for my birthday, but after that, I had an accident in which I injured my legs.

Use for my birthday to express the occasion or purpose of the purchase. On my birthday party is not the natural preposition and phrase for this meaning. Also, use in which to refer to the accident in which the injury occurred.

× Approximately when I was So five years, I had a bike which I bought on my birthday party, but after this I had accident where I endured my legs.

✓ Approximately when I was five years old, I had a bike that I bought for my birthday, but after that, I had an accident in which I injured my legs.

The singular countable noun accident requires an article. Use an accident because accident begins with a vowel sound and is mentioned for the first time.

× In my opinion, in my country, bikes are less popular than other countries because our population mostly used curves than bikes.

✓ In my opinion, bikes are less popular in my country than they are in other countries because people mostly use cars rather than bikes.

The original comparison incorrectly compares bikes with countries. Compare the popularity of bikes in one country with their popularity in other countries: less popular in my country than they are in other countries.

× In my opinion, in my country, bikes are less popular than other countries because our population mostly used curves than bikes.

✓ In my opinion, bikes are less popular in my country than they are in other countries because people mostly use cars rather than bikes.

The question asks about a present situation, so use the present-tense verb use instead of the past-tense verb used. Also, people mostly use cars is a natural way to express the general behavior of the population.