Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 답변의 핵심 내용은 명확하고, 과거 경험과 후회에 대한 구체적인 설명도 잘 포함되어 있습니다. 하지만 “when I was a pupil”보다는 “when I was a child” 또는 “when I was at school”이 더 자연스럽습니다. “my sporting prowess was substantially poor”는 지나치게 격식적이고 부자연스러우므로 “I wasn’t very good at sports”라고 표현하는 것이 좋습니다. 또한 “though”를 사용한 문장은 구조가 어색하므로 두 문장으로 나누거나 “Although my father taught me…”로 시작하세요. “determined not to ride a bike”보다는 “decided to stop riding it”이 문맥에 더 적절합니다.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child, but I rarely rode it. Although my father taught me how to ride, I couldn’t keep my balance because I wasn’t very good at sports. Eventually, I decided to stop riding it. I still regret that decision because cycling would have made it easier to get around.

提案: 첫 문장의 “biblical”은 문맥에 맞지 않는 단어이므로 “very high” 또는 “widespread”를 사용해야 합니다. 학생들의 학업 부담을 인기 부족의 이유로 제시한 점은 좋지만, “are suffering from high educational pressure”보다는 “face intense academic pressure”가 더 자연스럽습니다. “take action of this”는 “take action on this issue”로 고치고, “mount the number of P classes”는 의미가 불분명하므로 “increase the number of physical education classes”라고 표현하세요. 또한 현재 자전거의 인기가 낮은 이유를 설명한 뒤, 정부의 해결책을 한 문장으로 연결하면 더 논리적입니다.

例: I don’t think bikes are particularly popular in my country. Many students face intense academic pressure, so they have little time for cycling. In addition, cities are often busy and don’t have enough safe bike lanes. The government should improve cycling infrastructure and increase the number of physical education classes in schools.

× It's because my sporting prowess was substantially poor, though my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

✓ It was because my sporting prowess was substantially poor. Although my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

The answer describes a past childhood experience, so the present-tense form 'It's' should be changed to the past-tense form 'It was.' The original sentence also joins several independent clauses with commas. Use a period before 'Although' to make the sentence structure clear.

× It's because my sporting prowess was substantially poor, though my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

✓ It was because my sporting ability was quite poor. Although my father taught me how to ride a bike, I couldn't keep my balance.

'Sporting prowess' is grammatically possible, but it is unnatural in this context. 'Sporting ability' is a clearer expression for someone's ability in sports. Also, 'substantially poor' is not a natural combination; 'quite poor' or 'very poor' is more appropriate.

× The popularity of bikes isn't biblical in my country.

✓ Bikes are not very popular in my country.

'Biblical' means related to the Bible, so it does not express the intended meaning. To describe how common bikes are, use the adjective 'popular.' The revised sentence is also more natural and direct.

× That's why most students don't have enough time to ride a bike. From my perspective, governments should take action of this.

✓ That's why most students don't have enough time to ride a bike. From my perspective, governments should take action on this issue.

The correct preposition in the expression 'take action' is 'on,' not 'of.' The phrase 'take action on this issue' means to do something to address the issue.

× As a matter of fact, the vast majority of students are suffering from high educational pressure.

✓ As a matter of fact, the vast majority of students are under high academic pressure.

'Educational pressure' is not the natural expression for pressure caused by studies. Use 'academic pressure.' English commonly uses the expression 'be under pressure,' so 'are under high academic pressure' is more natural.