Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 질문에 직접 답한 점은 좋지만, ‘when I was umm, 10 years old’는 ‘when I was about ten’처럼 자연스럽게 말하는 것이 좋습니다. ‘rode a bike all the road and the park’는 문법적으로 부자연스러우므로 ‘rode it on the roads and in the park’로 수정해야 합니다. 또한 ‘It was enjoyed’는 의미가 불분명하므로 ‘I really enjoyed riding it’처럼 주어와 감정을 명확히 표현하세요. 과거의 구체적인 활동이나 느낌을 한 가지 덧붙이고, 문장을 연결어로 자연스럽게 이어 가면 더 효과적입니다.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was about ten. I often rode it on the roads near my house and in the local park. I really enjoyed riding it because I could explore the neighborhood with my friends.

提案: 핵심 의견을 제시했지만, ‘bike is not popular’는 복수형인 ‘bikes are not very popular’로 고쳐야 합니다. ‘in my country in Korea’는 ‘in Korea’로 간단히 말하고, ‘the bike road is not many in here’는 ‘there are not many bike lanes’로 표현하세요. ‘Korean people do not like sweating’은 다소 일반화된 표현이므로 ‘many people prefer more convenient forms of transport’처럼 완화하면 자연스럽습니다. 마지막의 ‘so I hear so’는 삭제하고, ‘also’나 ‘as a result’ 같은 연결어를 사용해 두 가지 이유를 명확히 연결하세요.

例: I don’t think bikes are very popular in Korea. Many people prefer convenient forms of transport because public transportation is well developed, and there are not enough bike lanes in some areas. However, cycling is becoming more popular for exercise and leisure.

× I got a bike and rode a bike all the road and the park.

✓ I got a bike and rode it on the road and in the park.

The preposition on is used for riding on a road, while in is used for being inside or within a park. Also, it avoids unnecessarily repeating a bike.

× So it was.

✓ So, I enjoyed riding it.

So it was is grammatically incomplete in this context because it does not clearly express what was enjoyable. Use a complete sentence with a subject, verb, and meaningful complement.

× It was enjoyed.

✓ I enjoyed riding it.

The active voice is more appropriate because the student is the person who experienced the enjoyment. The passive form it was enjoyed sounds unnatural here and does not clearly identify the person who enjoyed the bike.

× I think bike is not popular in my country in Korea because Korean people do not like sweating and the bike road is not many in here so I hear so.

✓ I do not think bikes are popular in my country, Korea, because Korean people do not like sweating, and there are not many bike roads here, or so I have heard.

Bikes is plural because the sentence refers to bicycles in general. The plural noun bikes must be used with the plural verb are. Use plural nouns when discussing a general category rather than one specific bicycle.

× I think bike is not popular in my country in Korea because Korean people do not like sweating and the bike road is not many in here so I hear so.

✓ I do not think bikes are popular in my country, Korea, because Korean people do not like sweating, and there are not many bike roads here, or so I have heard.

There are is needed to introduce the existence or quantity of plural bike roads. The original structure, the bike road is not many, incorrectly uses a singular subject with a quantity expression.

× I think bike is not popular in my country in Korea because Korean people do not like sweating and the bike road is not many in here so I hear so.

✓ I do not think bikes are popular in my country, Korea, because Korean people do not like sweating, and there are not many bike roads here, or so I have heard.

Here is used without the preposition in when referring to a location in this way. In here is unnecessary and unnatural in this sentence.

× I think bike is not popular in my country in Korea because Korean people do not like sweating and the bike road is not many in here so I hear so.

✓ I do not think bikes are popular in my country, Korea, because Korean people do not like sweating, and there are not many bike roads here, or so I have heard.

The original sentence contains several ideas joined together without clear punctuation or structure. The phrase so I hear so is also repetitive. Use or so I have heard to express that the information is based on what you have heard.