Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is relevant and includes specific details about the bike and why it was important to you. However, avoid repetition, such as “I had the bike” and “I was a child,” and do not repeat “and.” Use the natural phrase “on my seventh birthday,” rather than “during my seventh birthday.” Also, “I remember” is more appropriate because you are describing a present memory, and “at that time” sounds more natural than “during those times.” Organize the answer with a direct opening, followed by the gift and your feelings about it.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My parents gave it to me on my seventh birthday, and it was bright blue. I had always dreamed of owning a bike, so I was thrilled when I received it. I used to ride it around my neighborhood with my friends.

提案: You answer the question directly and provide a personal example, but the second sentence is grammatically awkward and repetitive. Say “When I was young, almost all of my friends in the neighborhood had a bike” instead of “my neighborhood and my childhood friends... had had a bike.” The past perfect “had had” is unnecessary here; simple past is correct. Avoid repeating the conclusion in the final sentence, and add a linking phrase such as “For example” to make the supporting detail clearer. You could also mention a broader reason, such as bikes being affordable or useful for short-distance travel.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in the Philippines, especially among children and teenagers. When I was young, almost all of my friends in the neighborhood had a bike, and we often rode together after school. They are also a convenient and affordable way to travel short distances.

× Yes, I had the bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

Use a bike because the bike has not been mentioned before and the speaker is referring to one bike in general, not to a specific bike already known to the listener.

× It was a gift from my parents during my seventh birthday.

✓ It was a gift from my parents on my seventh birthday.

Use on with a specific calendar day or birthday. During is used for a period of time, not normally for a particular birthday.

× I remembered that it was a blue bike and and I really asked them to give me a bike because it was such a dream during those times.

✓ I remembered that it was a blue bike, and I really asked them to give me a bike because it was such a dream during those times.

The conjunction and is repeated. Use it only once to connect the two clauses.

× When I was young my neighborhood and my childhood friends, almost all of them had had a bike, each one of them.

✓ When I was young, almost all of my childhood friends in my neighborhood had a bike.

The original sentence has an unclear and incorrect subject because a neighborhood cannot have a bike in this context. Place the location phrase in my neighborhood after the subject, and use almost all of my childhood friends as the subject.

× When I was young my neighborhood and my childhood friends, almost all of them had had a bike, each one of them.

✓ When I was young, almost all of my childhood friends in my neighborhood had a bike.

The past perfect form had had is unnecessary because the sentence describes a general situation in the past rather than an event that happened before another past event. Use the simple past form had.