Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 주제에는 직접 답했으며, 할아버지가 생일 선물로 자전거를 주셨다는 구체적인 내용과 미키마우스 장식을 언급한 점은 좋습니다. 그러나 ‘because’와 ‘because of my birthday present’를 반복했고, ‘decorated by’보다는 ‘decorated with’가 더 자연스럽습니다. 또한 ‘really cute, cute character’처럼 같은 표현을 반복하지 말고 ‘a cute Mickey Mouse design’처럼 간결하게 표현하세요. 두세 문장으로 이유와 세부 사항을 논리적으로 연결하면 더 효과적입니다.

例: Yes, I did. My grandfather gave me a bike for my birthday, and I loved it because it had a cute Mickey Mouse design on it.

提案: ‘Bikes are popular in South Korea’라고 직접 답한 점은 좋지만, ‘I can see a lot of children ride’는 ‘I can see a lot of children riding’ 또는 ‘A lot of children ride’로 고쳐야 합니다. ‘and some others’와 ‘And old people are’는 문장이 완성되지 않아 의미가 불분명합니다. 어린이와 노인 모두 자전거를 탄다는 내용을 완전한 문장으로 연결하고, 공원이나 자전거 도로 같은 구체적인 장소를 덧붙이세요. 예를 들어 ‘In addition’이나 ‘For example’을 사용하면 답변의 흐름이 더 자연스러워집니다.

例: Yes, I think bikes are quite popular in South Korea. For example, I often see children riding bikes in parks, while many older people use them for exercise along riverside bike paths.

× My grandfather gave it to me because because of my birthday, because of my birthday present.

✓ My grandfather gave it to me as a birthday present.

As is used to introduce the purpose or role of a gift. Because of means due to and cannot be used before birthday present to express that the bike was a gift.

× It was decorated by really cute, cute character Mickey Mouse.

✓ It was decorated with a really cute Mickey Mouse character.

With is the appropriate preposition for describing the material or design used to decorate something. By normally identifies the person or agent performing an action.

× It was decorated by really cute, cute character Mickey Mouse.

✓ It was decorated with a really cute Mickey Mouse character.

Character is a singular countable noun, so it needs the indefinite article a. Also, Mickey Mouse functions as a name describing the character, so it comes before character.

× I can see a lot of children ride their bike in the park.

✓ I can see a lot of children riding their bikes in the park.

The possessive determiner their refers to a lot of children, so the noun should be plural: bikes. Using riding also naturally describes an action that is happening at the time of seeing.

× I can see a lot of children ride their bike in the park, and some others. And old people are.

✓ I can see a lot of children riding their bikes in the park, along with some older people.

Some others is incomplete because it does not clearly state what the people are doing, and old people are is unfinished because are needs a complement. Combining the ideas into one complete sentence makes the meaning clear.