Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and pronoun errors, and avoid filler words like “umm.” For example, say when you received the bike, why your parents bought it, and whether you still use it now.

例: Yes. My parents bought me a bicycle when I was about six because they wanted me to get more exercise. As a result, I learned to ride early and I still use that bike occasionally for short rides around my neighborhood.

提案: Begin with a clear opinion, then give two specific reasons using linking words. Reduce fillers and use precise vocabulary (e.g., ‘extremely hot’ not ‘squashing hot’). Mention percentages or common examples if possible and contrast briefly.

例: Not really. In Thailand bikes are less popular because the weather is often extremely hot and humid, so people prefer air-conditioned transport. For example, many commuters choose Grab or taxis for comfort, and public buses and trains are also widely used for longer journeys.

× Yes umm I used to have a bike my parents bought me when I was very young and they the aim of it because my parents wanted me umm to exercise more and this is very effective because I still using it.

✓ Yes. I used to have a bike that my parents bought for me when I was very young; their aim was for me to exercise more, and it was very effective because I still use it.

Multiple past-tense and verb form errors: 'they the aim of it' is ungrammatical and should be 'their aim was'; 'this is very effective' refers to a past situation so should be 'it was very effective'; 'I still using it' uses the -ing form without auxiliary; correct is 'I still use it'. Suggestions: keep past actions in past tense (used to, bought, was) and use simple present only for current habitual facts (I still use it). Use clear subject-verb constructions and proper relative clause 'a bike that my parents bought for me'.

× Umm to be honest in Thailand the weather is quite squashing hot so normally people prefer taking a Grab or umm taking like a taxi and most of them still use UMM public transportation more than a bike.

✓ To be honest, in Thailand the weather is quite scorching hot, so people normally prefer taking a Grab or a taxi, and most of them still use public transportation more than bikes.

Problems: word choice and article usage and plural agreement. 'squashing hot' is incorrect collocation; use 'scorching hot'. 'taking like a taxi' is informal and redundant; use 'a taxi'. 'UMM public transportation' contains filler and an unnecessary article; 'public transportation' is fine without 'the' in general statements. 'more than a bike' should compare to 'bikes' (plural) for generalization. Suggestions: use appropriate adjectives ('scorching'), remove filler words, use articles correctly ('a taxi'), and match plural nouns when speaking generically ('bikes').