Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and coherent: start with a clear topic sentence, remove irrelevant phrase (“There was a child”), and add one specific detail using a linking word. Keep it within 3–5 concise sentences. Also vary vocabulary (e.g., “excited,” “ride to the park,” “favorite possession”).

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father gave it to me as a birthday present, and I was really excited because I could ride to the park every day. Because it was light and easy to handle, it quickly became my favorite possession.

提案: Reduce fillers and grammar errors. Begin with a clear opinion, then give a reason and a specific example. Use linking words (e.g., “because,” “for example”) and correct verb forms (“they use them for daily transport”). Keep answers concise and specific.

例: Yes, bikes are quite popular in my country, especially among older people because cycling is good for their health. For example, many retirees cycle to the market every morning as part of their daily routine.

× There was a child.

✓ I was a child.

The original sentence uses 'There was a child' which states existence rather than referring to the speaker. The correct subject pronoun 'I' should be used to say that the speaker was a child. Use a personal subject with the verb 'was' to convey this meaning.

× I used to ride it to park every day.

✓ I used to ride it to the park every day.

The phrase needs the definite article 'the' before 'park' because a specific place (the park) is intended. Also include preposition 'to' with 'the park' as 'ride to the park'. Without 'the' it sounds unnatural.

× It's very attractive.

✓ It was very attractive.

The context describes a past experience (childhood), so the adjective should be in past narrative: 'It was very attractive.' Using present 'It's' conflicts with past-tense context. Change tense to maintain consistency.

× Yes, bikes are very popular, uh, especially among the umm, among the older generation, umm, uh, I think uh, riding the bicycles are helpful for their health and so they use for their daily.

✓ Yes, bicycles are very popular, especially among the older generation. I think riding bicycles is helpful for their health, so they use them daily.

Multiple issues: 'bikes' is acceptable but 'bicycles' is clearer; redundancy 'among the umm, among' removed. Subject-verb agreement: 'riding bicycles is' treats 'riding' as a gerund (singular), so use 'is' not 'are'. Pronoun and object errors: 'they use for their daily' is missing object and noun—correct to 'they use them daily' where 'them' refers to bicycles and 'daily' functions as an adverb. Also separate into two sentences for clarity and remove filler words.