Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct with a clear topic sentence, add specific details and a linking word to connect ideas. Avoid repetition (e.g., "Yes, yes") and reduce vague phrases like "really fascinating." Also correct tense consistency (use past tense for past habits) and give one brief reason with a time reference.

例: Yes, I did. I had a bright red bicycle that I often rode with friends around my neighborhood after school. However, as I started university I had less free time, so I stopped riding it regularly.

提案: Begin with a clear direct opinion, use linking words to contrast past and present, and provide a specific reason and brief example. Correct singular/plural agreement ("their trend" or "the trend") and avoid vague references like "technology" without explanation.

例: I think bicycles used to be more popular. In the past many children rode bikes to school, but nowadays fewer people cycle because smartphones and online entertainment keep children indoors, and more families use cars for short trips.

× When I was a child, I had a really fascinating bicycle that I was riding with my friends on the streets.

✓ When I was a child, I had a really fascinating bicycle that I rode with my friends on the streets.

The sentence uses 'was riding' (past continuous) which implies an action in progress at a specific past time; simple past 'rode' is more natural to describe habitual past actions. Use simple past for repeated or habitual actions in the past. Suggestion: use 'rode' to express habitual past activity.

× However, when I got older, I realized that I don't have time to ride a bicycle.

✓ However, when I got older, I realized that I didn't have time to ride a bicycle.

The sentence mixes past reference ('when I got older, I realized') with present tense 'don't have'. Maintain past tense sequence: 'realized' should be followed by 'didn't have' to reflect the past. Suggestion: keep tense consistent by using past tense after past-time expressions.

× That's why I don't use this bicycle anymore.

✓ That's why I didn't use this bicycle anymore.

Context is past: speaker describes past habits and changes. Using present 'don't use' conflicts with prior past narration. Change to past 'didn't use' to keep tense consistent. If speaker means still not using it now, keep 'don't use' but clarify timeframe. Suggestion: decide whether referring to past or present and keep tense consistent.

× To be honest, when I was a child, they were quite popular.

✓ To be honest, when I was a child, bicycles were quite popular.

Pronoun 'they' is vague; replace with 'bicycles' for clarity. Tense 'were' is correct for past. Also clarifying noun avoids ambiguity. Suggestion: use explicit noun when antecedent is distant or not immediately clear.

× I would see a lot of bicycles on the streets.

✓ I used to see a lot of bicycles on the streets.

'Would' can express habitual past but is better in narrative contexts; 'used to' is clearer and more common for past habitual states. This is a style choice rather than strict grammar error, but 'used to' matches 'when I was a child'. Suggestion: use 'used to' for past habitual situations.

× However, its trend has changed.

✓ However, the trend has changed.

'Its' incorrectly refers to 'bicycles' (plural) and is awkward. Use 'the trend' to refer to the general trend. Also 'has changed' (present perfect) is acceptable to describe a change leading to present. Suggestion: use 'the' plus noun for general trends and ensure pronoun agrees in number.

× Right now on the streets, I don't see lots of bicycles and I think because of the technology that has changed the lifestyles of the children.

✓ Right now, I don't see many bicycles on the streets, and I think technology has changed children's lifestyles.

Multiple issues: 'lots of' is informal and awkward with 'see'; 'many' is more natural. Word order 'Right now on the streets' is awkward; move 'on the streets' after 'bicycles'. The clause 'I think because of the technology that has changed the lifestyles of the children' is ungrammatical—remove 'because of' after 'I think' and simplify to 'I think technology has changed children's lifestyles.' Also 'the children' is unnecessarily specific; use 'children's' as possessive. Suggestion: restructure sentence for clarity, correct article use, and concise phrasing.