Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Bạn trả lời trực tiếp nhưng có lỗi ngữ pháp (thời quá khứ), cấu trúc không rõ ràng và một vài chỗ khó hiểu. Cần dùng thì quá khứ hoàn chỉnh (had/was), viết câu chủ đề rõ ràng, rút gọn thông tin không cần thiết và thêm chi tiết cụ thể (mô tả xe, cảm xúc, ai tặng). Dùng liên từ đơn giản để nối ý (because, so, when). Giữ độ dài không quá 5 câu.

例: Yes, I did. My first bike was given to me when I was about six or seven and I used it to ride around my neighborhood after school. I remember feeling very excited because most of my friends already had bikes, so my parents decided to buy one for me. It was a small red bike with training wheels, which helped me learn to balance quickly.

提案: Ý chính rõ nhưng câu lộn xộn, nhiều lặp từ và ngắt quãng. Cần cấu trúc rõ ràng: đưa câu chủ đề, giải thích lý do với ví dụ cụ thể và dùng liên từ (for example, because, therefore). Tránh tiếng ần và sửa ngữ pháp (motorbikes, they are). Thêm con số hoặc tình huống cụ thể để chi tiết hơn.

例: Yes, bikes—especially motorbikes—are extremely popular in my country. Because they are affordable and convenient for navigating narrow streets, you often see thousands of motorbikes on the road during rush hour. For example, when I walk downtown in the evening, the sidewalks and crossings are so crowded with bikes that it can be difficult to cross the street.

× Yeah, of course I have one.

✓ Yeah, of course I had one.

The question asks about having a bike in the past ('when you were a child'), so the verb should be in the past tense. Change 'have' to 'had' to match the time frame. Suggestion: use past simple for completed past situations (I had a bike).

× The first bike I have is when I was about six or seven years old, when I was in primary school.

✓ I got my first bike when I was about six or seven years old, when I was in primary school.

The sentence mixes present tense 'have' with past time reference. Use past simple 'got' to indicate the action of receiving the bike in the past. Also reorder to a natural phrasing: 'I got my first bike when I was...'.

× I look at my neighborhood that I think that she got 1.

✓ I remember that someone in my neighborhood had one.

'Look at my neighborhood' is incorrect in context and present tense; the student intended to recall past observations. Use 'remember' and past tense 'had'. Also 'she got 1' is unclear—replace with 'someone in my neighborhood had one.'

× So I want my parents to give me one also.

✓ So I wanted my parents to give me one too.

The desire to receive a bike occurred in the past, so 'want' should be in the past ('wanted'). Also 'also' is better replaced with 'too' at the end for natural spoken English. Use past simple to match the context.

× Yeah, probably especially motorbike, uh, when you, when I walk along the street, I can, I would, it is obviously that the bike is going along the street and so crowded that I can, I cannot even walk, I, I cannot even cross the street.

✓ Yes, probably, especially motorbikes. When I walk along the street, there are so many bikes that I cannot even walk or cross the street.

Multiple issues: tense consistency (use present simple for general facts), plural form 'motorbikes', and 'it is obviously that the bike is going along' is awkward. Use 'there are' to state existence/quantity. Remove fillers and repeated fragments. This gives a clear, grammatical sentence: 'there are so many bikes that I cannot even walk or cross the street.'