Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Good direct answer and useful details. To improve, make the response more concise and natural (avoid redundancies like “did have” and “in color”), use a clear topic sentence, and add one specific memory or feeling to enrich the answer. Keep the reply to no more than five sentences and use linking words to connect ideas (for example: “because,” “so,” “and”).

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father gave me a black-and-red bicycle, and I rode it home from school almost every day because it was faster than walking. I remember feeling proud when I learned to ride without training wheels, which made me more independent.

提案: The answer addresses the question but could be clearer and more structured. Start with a direct topic sentence (e.g., “They are popular among children, but not adults”), then give two specific reasons with linking words (for example: “because” and “for instance”). Avoid vague phrases like “according to kids”; instead say “among children.” Add a brief comparison or consequence to make it more informative.

例: They are popular among children but not among most adults. Adults prefer motorbikes or cars because heavy traffic and long distances make cycling impractical. For instance, many parents buy small bikes for their kids to play with, but commuters usually travel by bus or car.

× It was gifted to me by my father and it was black and red in color.

✓ It was gifted to me by my father and was black and red.

The phrase 'in color' is unnecessary and wordy in this context; not a strict grammar error but stylistic. Also repeating 'it' is redundant. Use a concise form 'was black and red'. Suggestion: remove redundant words and avoid repeated subjects when the meaning is clear.

× I used to ride my bike every time I would come back to my house after attending my school.

✓ I used to ride my bike every time I came back home after school.

The original mixes 'used to' (habit in the past) with 'would' in the time clause, which is unnecessary and awkward. Also 'come back to my house' is wordy; 'come back home' or 'came home' is natural. 'Attending my school' is incorrect: 'attend school' or simply 'school' is used. Suggestion: keep past habitual tense with 'used to' and use simple past in the time clause or omit 'would'.

× Bikes are popular in my country according to kids, but bikes are not really popular amongst the adults as compared to other countries because it is not a very suitable form of commute as there is a lot of traffic in my country.

✓ Bikes are popular among children in my country, but they are not really popular with adults compared to other countries because biking is not a very suitable way to commute due to heavy traffic.

Several preposition and word choice issues: 'according to kids' is better expressed as 'among children'; 'amongst the adults' should be 'with adults'; 'as compared to other countries' is wordy—use 'compared to other countries'; 'form of commute' is unnatural—use 'way to commute'; 'there is a lot of traffic' better as 'due to heavy traffic' to explain reason. Also replace repeated 'bikes' with pronoun 'they' and use consistent terminology. Suggestion: correct prepositions ('among','with','compared to','due to') and use natural collocations ('way to commute','heavy traffic').

× Yes, I did have a bike when I was a kid.

✓ Yes, I did have a bike when I was a kid.

This sentence is grammatically acceptable. No article errors: 'a bike' and 'a kid' are correct. No correction necessary. Included for completeness.

× it is not a very suitable form of commute as there is a lot of traffic in my country.

✓ it is not a very suitable way to commute because there is a lot of traffic in my country.

Use 'way to commute' rather than 'form of commute' for natural English. 'As' can mean 'because' but 'because' or 'due to' is clearer when giving reason. Also 'there is a lot of traffic' is grammatically fine; main issue is collocation choice. Suggestion: prefer common collocations and clearer conjunctions when giving reasons.