Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and grammatically correct. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and article usage (e.g., “a bike,” “when I was a child,” “it didn’t work well”). Avoid redundancy and keep it to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child, but it was more of a toy than a proper bicycle. Because I was only about four or five years old, the pedals and brakes didn’t work well, so my parents mostly pushed me while I sat on it.

提案: Give a direct opinion then support it with a specific reason or example using linking words. Improve vocabulary (use “motor vehicles” instead of repeating “vehicles”) and avoid vague phrases like “other vehicles.” Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use comparative language correctly.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are inexpensive and easy to park. For example, in city centers you can see far more bicycles than motor vehicles, especially during rush hour.

× Yes I had bike when I was child but that was not like a proper bike because it was more than like a toy.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child, but it was not a proper bike because it was more like a toy.

Missing articles: 'a bike' and 'a child' require the indefinite article 'a'. 'Not like a proper bike' is awkward; 'not a proper bike' is correct. Use 'more like' to compare resemblance. Also add commas for clarity. Suggestion: always include appropriate articles before singular countable nouns and use 'more like' to express similarity. Grammar problem type ID: 22

× I was a small baby in my childhood like 4 to 5 years old so that's why it was not work.

✓ I was very young in my childhood, around four or five years old, so it did not work.

Awkward phrasing and verb form: 'a small baby' and 'in my childhood' redundancy — better 'very young' or 'around four or five years old'. 'It was not work' is incorrect; use past tense auxiliary 'did not' + base verb 'work'. Suggestion: use 'did not work' for past negative actions and write numbers in words for formality. Grammar problem type ID: 5

× Whenever we go outside, we notice that there are more bikes as compared to other vehicles like cars, trucks and others vehicles.

✓ Whenever we go outside, we notice that there are more bikes compared to other vehicles such as cars and trucks.

Redundant and incorrect preposition 'as compared to' can be simplified to 'compared to' or 'as compared with'. 'Others vehicles' is incorrect; use 'other vehicles' without 's' on 'others'. Also 'such as' is preferable before examples. Suggestion: use 'compared to' or 'compared with' and 'other vehicles' when listing examples. Grammar problem type ID: 11

× Yes, bikes are really popular in my country.

✓ Yes, bikes are very popular in my country.

Stylistic: 'really popular' is acceptable in speech, but 'very popular' is more formal and precise. This is an adjective/adverb choice rather than a strict grammatical error. Suggestion: use 'very popular' in semi-formal contexts; 'really' is conversational. Grammar problem type ID: 13