Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (uh) and grammatical errors (e.g., 'the red color' → 'red', 'not agreeing me' → 'didn't agree'). Keep answers to a maximum of five sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was a small red bicycle that I loved, and I used it to visit friends and go to the park. In fact, I cried before we bought it because my father initially didn’t agree due to the cost, but he finally bought it for me.

提案: Make the answer more fluent and grammatically correct: use linking words (for example, because, so) and correct verb agreement ('has' → 'have'). Replace filler words and avoid repeating the same phrase. Give one specific example to support your point.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country, mainly because people are becoming more health-conscious. For example, several cycling clubs have formed in cities recently, organizing weekend rides and fitness events, so many people now cycle regularly for exercise.

× I used to go a lot of places by taking that bike.

✓ I used to go to a lot of places by bike.

The original sentence is awkwardly phrased. 'Used to' correctly indicates a past habit, but 'by taking that bike' is unnatural. Use the idiomatic expression 'go to places by bike' or 'ride that bike' to convey movement method clearly. Also add 'to' after 'go' when indicating destinations: 'go to a lot of places'.

× Uh, I even cried that the day before buying the bike because and my father was not but not agreeing me to buy the cycle because it was expensive.

✓ Uh, I even cried the day before my father bought the bike because he did not agree to buy it; it was expensive.

The original sentence has multiple structural problems: unnecessary filler words ('that', 'and', 'but not'), incorrect verb forms, and unclear subject references. Fix by using a clear past-tense clause: 'the day before my father bought the bike' and a clear reporting clause 'he did not agree to buy it'. Use 'agree to do something' rather than 'agree me to do something'. Remove redundant words for clarity.

× Uh, recently new bike communities has been formed uh, for the physical fitness benefit of people and a lot of people are uh focused on cycling and the physical fitness, so bikes has been quite popular nowadays.

✓ Uh, recently new bike communities have been formed for the physical fitness benefit of people, and a lot of people are focused on cycling and physical fitness, so bikes have become quite popular nowadays.

There are subject-verb agreement errors and awkward verb choice. 'Communities' is plural, so use 'have been formed' not 'has been formed'. Similarly, 'bikes' is plural, so use 'have become' or 'have been' rather than 'has been'. Also simplify 'the physical fitness' to 'physical fitness' and use 'become quite popular' to describe a trend. Remove extra filler words for clarity.

× It was the red color.

✓ It was red.

Saying 'the red color' is unnatural when describing the bicycle's color. Use the adjective 'red' directly after the verb 'was': 'It was red.' If you want to emphasize color, 'It was the color red' is possible but unnecessary here.

× Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

This sentence is grammatically correct; no change needed. It correctly uses 'when' to indicate time. (Included to show no error of preposition.)

× and my father was not but not agreeing me to buy the cycle because it was expensive.

✓ and my father did not agree to buy the bike because it was expensive.

Original phrase 'agreeing me to buy' incorrectly uses a pronoun and verb structure. 'Agree' requires an infinitive: 'agree to buy' and the subject must be clear: 'my father did not agree to buy it'. Also 'cycle' is fine but 'bike' is more natural in this context. Removed redundant 'but not'.