Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and structured: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid hesitation words (um, uh) and filler phrases. Also correct minor grammar (capitalize 'Unfortunately' only if starting new sentence, and use past tense consistently).

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My dad bought it for me, but unfortunately it was stolen the next day, so I only had a short time to enjoy it.

提案: Give a direct opinion first, then support it with two clear, specific reasons. Avoid long, unclear time references and hesitations. Use coherent linking words (for example, however, because, so) and correct age expression (until I was 19). Keep to at most four sentences.

例: I don't think bikes are very popular in my country now. For example, fewer parents buy bikes for children because many families prefer cars or public transport. However, when I was a child my parents bought me two bikes and I used the second one until I was 19.

× Yes, I got one my dad bought me when I was a little kid.

✓ Yes, I got one that my dad bought me when I was a little kid.

Missing relative pronoun 'that' (or 'which') to connect the clauses. The sentence is in past tense so use 'that' to introduce the clause: 'one that my dad bought me'. This clarifies the relationship between 'one' and the following clause.

× Umm, Unfortunately the next day was stolen so I didn't have too much, uh, time to play with it.

✓ Unfortunately, it was stolen the next day, so I didn't have much time to play with it.

Word order and subject are unclear. Use the pronoun 'it' as the subject for 'was stolen' and place 'the next day' after the verb for natural past-tense word order. Also 'too much time' is unnatural here; 'much time' is appropriate in negative past tense.

× A bit well, nowadays not too much kids, uh, get uh, a bike from their parents, but umm, I got one uh, and I think it was really nice like, but later, maybe a few years later, I got a second one and I used this until I was 15 year old uh 19.

✓ A bit. Well, nowadays not too many kids get a bike from their parents. But I got one, and I thought it was really nice. A few years later I got a second one and I used it until I was about 19.

Multiple issues: 'not too much kids' is incorrect quantifier and count noun use — use 'not too many kids'. 'Get a bike' is fine in present general statement. Use past tense consistently when narrating past events: 'I thought' and 'I got'. Use 'it' instead of 'this' to refer to the bike, and say 'until I was about 19' (include 'about' if the exact age is unclear). Also '15 year old uh 19' was unclear; choose the correct final age (here kept 19) and use 'years old' if specifying exact age: 'until I was 19 years old'.