Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid vague phrases and mixed tenses (e.g., “gives me” should be past tense). Replace metaphors like “a lot of butterflies” with clearer descriptions of feelings or memories.

例: Yes — I had a bike when I was a child. It was a fairly large pink bike with a small strawberry decal on the frame, which I loved. Because of that design I often rode it to my friends’ houses around the neighborhood, and it made me feel very free and confident as a child.

提案: Correct grammar and be specific. Use a clear topic sentence, then give two concise reasons with linking words (e.g., “firstly/secondly/because”). Avoid incorrect phrases like “for sale cycling” and use accurate terms such as “designated bike lanes.” Keep sentences varied and natural.

例: Not really. In my country bicycles are less common: firstly, people often choose cars or motorbikes because the road infrastructure and hot, rainy weather make driving more practical; secondly, there are few designated bike lanes, so cycling can feel unsafe on busy streets.

× I had a bike when I was a child. I think it was big with a little strawberry on the design.

✓ I had a bike when I was a child. I think it was big with a small strawberry in the design.

The original sentence mixes correct past-tense statement with awkward phrasing 'on the design.' 'In the design' or 'on the design' both could work, but 'a little strawberry on the design' is unnatural. Also 'little' can be misread as 'young' or 'insignificant'; 'small' is clearer. Keep past tense 'had' and 'was'. Suggestion: use 'small strawberry in the design' for natural phrasing.

× I really enjoyed riding it around the neighborhood. I think it was fun. It gives me a lot of butterflies.

✓ I really enjoyed riding it around the neighborhood. I think it was fun. It gave me a lot of butterflies.

The speaker describes past experiences, so verbs should be in the past tense. 'Gives' is present tense and inconsistent with 'enjoyed' and 'was'. Change to 'gave' to match past-time reference. Suggestion: maintain past tense for reflections on past experiences.

× I feel like the freedom and the fun.

✓ I felt a sense of freedom and fun.

The original uses present-tense 'feel' incorrectly when referring to a past memory, and the phrase 'the freedom and the fun' is awkward. This is a sentence structure and wording problem. Use past tense 'felt' and a natural noun phrase 'a sense of freedom and fun.' Suggestion: keep tense consistent and use idiomatic expressions for feelings.

× No, I don't think a bicycle are very popular in my country.

✓ No, I don't think bicycles are very popular in my country.

The error is subject-verb agreement and noun number. 'A bicycle' is singular and requires 'is,' while 'are' requires a plural subject. The intended meaning is general popularity, so use the plural 'bicycles are.' Suggestion: use plural nouns when talking about general preferences.

× Most people prefer cars or motorbikes because the roads and weather make driving more convenient and there are not many indicated bike lanes for sale cycling.

✓ Most people prefer cars or motorbikes because the roads and weather make driving more convenient, and there are not many designated bike lanes for cycling.

This sentence has preposition and word-choice errors: 'indicated' and 'for sale' are incorrect here. Use 'designated' for lanes intended for bikes, and 'for cycling' is the correct prepositional phrase. Also add a comma before 'and' for clarity. Suggestion: replace 'indicated bike lanes for sale cycling' with 'designated bike lanes for cycling' to convey the intended meaning.