Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (umm) and grammatical shifts. Also correct tense/word choice (e.g., “it was considered by my family” or “my family considered it dangerous”).

例: No, I didn't have a bike as a child. In my culture, girls were generally not allowed to ride or own bicycles, and my family thought it was too dangerous, so they never bought one for me.

提案: Finish your thought and use clearer structure: give a direct topic sentence, then add specific reasons with linking words (for example, because/therefore). Avoid hesitations and vague phrases; use accurate vocabulary (e.g., "instead" not "in a stead").

例: No, I don't think bicycles are very popular in Jordan. Most people prefer cars because they are more convenient for long distances, and in my hometown I rarely see cyclists, so biking is uncommon there.

× No, unfortunately I didn't.

✓ No, unfortunately I didn't have one.

The original sentence lacks the object of the verb 'didn't'. In responses to 'Did you have a bike when you were a child?' the auxiliary 'did' requires a base verb and object; adding 'have one' completes the idea. Suggestion: Include the full verb phrase after the auxiliary (didn't have one).

× Umm, I was a girl and in my culture it's not allowed to, umm, to buy a, a bike or yeah,

✓ Umm, I was a girl and in my culture it wasn't allowed to buy a bike.

The sentence mixes tenses and has redundant 'to'. 'I was a girl' is fine but should be followed by past passive 'wasn't allowed' to match past context. Remove the extra 'to' and filler 'or yeah', and 'a bike' should not have duplicated articles. Suggestion: Use past passive 'wasn't allowed to' and avoid duplicate 'to' and filler words; simplify to 'it wasn't allowed to buy a bike.'

× and it's actually was really, umm, it's, it was considered for my family that it's really dangerous.

✓ and it was considered by my family to be very dangerous.

The original mixes present and past ('it's actually was', 'it's, it was') and has incorrect preposition 'for my family'. Use past passive 'was considered by my family to be' and 'very' instead of 'really' for clarity. Ensure tense consistency (past simple) throughout the clause. Suggestion: Keep consistent past tense and use 'considered by my family to be very dangerous.'

× No, I actually don't think so in Jordan, we actually drive in cars in a stead and those people who like bikes are not in my hometown, I don't see them and I think it's like a way of

✓ No, I actually don't think so. In Jordan we usually drive cars instead, and people who like bikes are not common in my hometown; I don't see them often and I think it's seen as a...

Multiple problems: 'in a stead' is incorrect phrase; use 'instead'. 'Drive in cars' is unnatural — use 'drive cars' or 'use cars'. Sentence run-on needs splitting and punctuation. 'Those people who like bikes are not in my hometown' is awkward; use 'not common in my hometown' and add 'often' for frequency. End trailing thought appropriately. Maintain present tense for general statements. Suggestion: Replace 'in a stead' with 'instead', say 'drive cars' or 'usually drive cars', split long sentence into shorter clauses, and use 'not common' instead of 'are not in my hometown.'