Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and correct grammar (e.g., 'over the years', 'it became rusty and broke'). Use linking words like 'however' or 'because' to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. However, over the years it became rusty and broken because of the strong sun and humidity in Jeddah, so I finally had to throw it away.

提案: Improve grammar and clarity: use correct subject-verb agreement ('bikes are'), make ideas logical and specific, and avoid vague phrases like 'bike cleaners'. Give one clear reason and one prediction with brief explanation. Use linking words such as 'however', 'because', and 'although'.

例: Bikes are not very popular in my country; most people prefer cars because of the hot weather and a lack of bike lanes. However, I think cycling could increase in the future if the government builds safe bike lanes and promotes cycling as part of the Vision 2030 plan.

× Yes I used to have a bike when I was a child but among the years it got dusty and so dirty so because of the sun and the humidity and the weather here in Jedah, it fell apart and it got broken.

✓ Yes, I used to have a bike when I was a child, but over the years it became dusty and very dirty; because of the sun, humidity, and the weather here in Jeddah, it fell apart and broke.

The student used 'among the years' which is incorrect; 'over the years' is the correct phrase to indicate change across time. 'Got dusty and so dirty so' is awkward and repetitive; use 'became dusty and very dirty'. 'It fell apart and it got broken' is redundant—use 'it fell apart and broke'. Also correct the place name spelling to 'Jeddah'. Maintain past tense for a past habitual action and subsequent events.

× Bikes is popular in my country, but it is used commonly, especially because of the weather, and the lack of bike lanes In general, they prefer cars, but I think with the twenty thirty vision, bike cleaners will be more in the area.

✓ Bikes are not very popular in my country and are not used commonly, especially because of the weather and the lack of bike lanes. In general, people prefer cars, but I think with Vision 2030, bike cleaners (or bike lanes) will become more common in the area.

The original has subject-verb agreement errors: 'Bikes is' should be 'Bikes are'. The sentence structure is confused: 'it is used commonly' incorrectly refers to 'bikes' (plural) and should match number. 'They prefer cars' is unclear—use 'people prefer cars'. 'Twenty thirty vision' is better as 'Vision 2030' (proper noun) and 'will be more in the area' is awkward; use 'will become more common in the area'. Also clarify whether 'bike cleaners' was intended; suggest 'bike lanes' if that was the meaning.