Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more fluent and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific details using linking words. Avoid filler words (uh, umm) and grammatical errors (e.g., "My dad bought it for me").

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. It was red, and my dad bought it for me as a birthday present, so I used to ride it to the park every weekend.

提案: Give a direct opinion, then support it with a specific reason and an example. Use linking words (for example, because, especially) and avoid repetition and fillers. Correct phrasing: "interested in riding bikes."

例: Yes, I think bikes are popular in my country, especially among children, because they are affordable and good exercise. For example, many schools have bike racks and I often see children riding to school after class.

× Well, actually, uh, I had umm, it uh, its color, uh, is red and. My dad bought for me, so yeah.

✓ Well, actually, I had a bike. Its color was red, and my dad bought it for me.

The original sentence misuses pronouns and has fragmented structure. 'I had umm, it uh, its color...' incorrectly mixes subject references. Replace with 'I had a bike.' Use 'its' to refer to the bike and 'bought it for me' as the correct object pronoun. Also combine fragments into one clear sentence; use past tense 'was' to match 'had' and 'bought.' Suggestions: remove filler words, use 'a bike', use 'its color was red', and 'my dad bought it for me.'

× I think so, umm, especially among the children, umm, among the children, bikes are so popular and they umm, they are interested in to ride a bike bike and umm, I think yeah.

✓ I think so. Especially among children, bikes are very popular, and they are interested in riding bikes.

Problems include redundant phrases and incorrect preposition/verb patterns. 'Interested in to ride' is incorrect; after 'interested in' you must use the gerund form ('riding'). 'Among the children' is better as 'among children' to sound natural. Remove repeated words ('among the children' twice, repeated 'bike') and use 'bikes' plural to match 'children'. Also replace 'so popular' with 'very popular' for formality and clarity. Split into two sentences for clarity.