Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Organize your response with a clear topic sentence, use correct grammar and concise phrasing, and add a specific supporting detail. Avoid unnecessary repetition and keep to fewer than five sentences. Also correct verb forms and articles (e.g., “played” not “playing”; “we broke the third and fourth wheels” or better: “we damaged the training wheels”).

例: Yes. I had a bike when I was about eleven or twelve. I enjoyed riding it with my brother, and because it was a small children’s bike we ended up damaging the training wheels. I remember practicing every afternoon until I could ride without them.

提案: Start with a direct, current statement about popularity, then give a clear reason or example with proper nouns or locations. Use linking words (for example, because, for instance) and avoid vague/unclear phrases. Also use correct tense and concise phrasing.

例: Yes, bikes have become more popular recently, especially in 2023. For example, many people in my city used the new bicycle lanes on Athletic Road because they are safer and more convenient for commuting.

× Yes I did have a bike when I was a child like when I was 11 or 12 it was so fun I was playing it with my brother and we broke the 3rd and the 4th wheel because it was a bike for kids and I was like 12 that why I broke it.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. When I was 11 or 12, it was so fun. I used to ride it with my brother and we broke the third and fourth wheels because it was a bike for kids, and I was about 12, which is why it broke.

Multiple past-tense issues and informal phrasing: 'did have' is unnecessary in simple affirmative past (use 'had'); 'it was so fun I was playing it' is ungrammatical — use 'it was so much fun' and 'I used to ride it' for habitual past. 'We broke the 3rd and the 4th wheel' should use plural 'wheels' and write ordinal words in full for formality. 'That why I broke it' is unclear and ungrammatical; use 'which is why it broke' to show cause. Suggestions: use simple past for completed actions (had, broke), use 'used to' for repeated past actions, make cause-effect clauses with 'which is why' or 'because'.

× It was popular in two thousand twenty three. I think it was trending in Australia A road called athletic road or area it was an area.

✓ Bicycles were popular in 2023. I think they were trending in Australia in an area called Athletic Road.

Tense and reference problems: mixing 'was popular' with 'I think it was trending' is acceptable but the noun reference is unclear — use 'bicycles' or 'they'. Use past simple 'were popular' for plural subject. 'Two thousand twenty three' is better written as '2023'. The phrase 'Australia A road called athletic road or area it was an area' is ungrammatical and repetitive; reorganize to 'in an area called Athletic Road'. Capitalize proper nouns. Suggestions: be clear about the subject (bicycles/they), keep consistent past tense, and structure location phrases as 'in [place]'.