Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct small grammar and repetition, and add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds like “uh” and eliminate repeated phrases. For example, start with a clear topic sentence, then add where you rode and a brief feeling or memory with a linking word (e.g., “and”, “because”, “so”).

例: Yes. I had a bike from about age eight to nine. My father often took me to the front yard and the nearby garden, and he would watch while I practised riding. Because I learned there with his encouragement, those afternoons feel very nostalgic to me.

提案: Give a direct, concise opinion first, then support it with two specific reasons using linking words (e.g., “because”, “also”, “for example”). Avoid repeating the opinion and finish the answer without trailing off. Correct small phrasing (e.g., “the Kingdom of Bahrain”).

例: No, I don't think bikes are very popular. For example, the Kingdom of Bahrain recently introduced a rule that children under ten must be accompanied by an adult when cycling, which discourages solo riding. Also, many people prefer cars because distances between places can be long and the roads are busy.

× My dad used to take me to our houses front yard and to the garden in front of our of our house and he would watch me while I would, uh, take my bike on a walk.

✓ My dad used to take me to our house's front yard and to the garden in front of our house, and he would watch me while I took my bike for a walk.

Errors: incorrect possessive form 'houses front yard' should be 'house's front yard'; duplicate 'of our of our' is wrong; 'while I would... take' uses unnecessary modal 'would' with a habitual past; 'take my bike on a walk' is unnatural — collocation is 'take a walk' or 'ride my bike' so 'took my bike for a walk' or 'rode my bike'. Suggestion: use the possessive 'house's', remove the duplicate words, and use simple past for habitual past actions ('took') or the natural collocation 'took my bike for a walk' or 'rode my bike'.

× It was very nice and it is and it is very nostalgic.

✓ It was very nice and it is very nostalgic.

Error: tense and redundancy. The student mixes past 'was' with present 'is' and repeats 'and it is'. If the speaker means the memory still feels nostalgic, combine as 'It was very nice, and it is still very nostalgic.' Suggestion: avoid repeating phrases and choose correct tense consistency or add 'still' to indicate continuing feeling.

× No I don't think so because right now the police in the kingdom of Bahrain just announced a rule that kids under the age of ten should have a guardian or a parent with them while they are riding the bike.

✓ No, I don't think so, because the police in the Kingdom of Bahrain have just announced a rule that kids under the age of ten should have a guardian or a parent with them while they are riding bikes.

Errors: missing commas for clarity and capitalization 'kingdom of Bahrain' should be 'Kingdom of Bahrain' as a proper noun. Use 'the police' (definite article) and 'have just announced' (present perfect for a recent announcement). 'the bike' is too specific; use plural 'bikes' or no article. Suggestion: add commas, capitalize proper noun, use present perfect for recent events, and use appropriate article or plural form.