Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is personal and relevant but is too long, slightly disorganized and has some grammar and clarity issues. To improve: 1) Start with a clear topic sentence directly answering the question. 2) Use one or two supporting details (e.g., who bought it, who taught you, a short memory) and link them with simple connectors (and, so, because). 3) Correct tense/word choices (e.g., “was bought by my father,” “my mother taught me to ride,” and avoid unrelated clauses like “since my father lives in Aborhood now”). 4) Keep it within 2–4 sentences and avoid repetition. Specific corrections: change “rode on a bike” to “ride a bike,” and remove unclear phrase “since my father lives in Aborhood now.”

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father bought it for me and my mother taught me how to ride, so we often cycled together around our neighbourhood. I remember one summer evening when we rode to the park and had a picnic; those rides are very special to me.

提案: Good idea and clear opinion, but the answer has awkward phrasing, grammar mistakes and lacks specific supporting details. To improve: 1) Begin with a direct short answer (Yes, they are.). 2) Give 2 specific reasons using linking words (because, for example). 3) Use accurate collocations (e.g., “get around,” “congested traffic,” “more affordable,” “faster in heavy traffic”). 4) Avoid filler words like “as obviously” and correct articles/capitalization. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country. For example, many teenagers prefer bikes because they are affordable and allow them to get around quickly in congested traffic. In addition, bikes are inexpensive to maintain, which makes them a practical choice for students.

× When I was a child I used to have a bike which was bought by my father and my mother taught me to ride on a bike and we roamed around our neighbourhood and created lots of memories since my father lives in Aborhood now. It is very special to my heart.

✓ When I was a child, I used to have a bike that my father bought, and my mother taught me how to ride it. We roamed around our neighbourhood and created lots of memories, and my father still lives in Aborhood. It is very special to my heart.

Multiple tense and phrasing issues: 'which was bought by my father' is grammatically correct but passive and wordy; better as 'that my father bought' (relative clause). 'taught me to ride on a bike' should be 'taught me how to ride it' (verb construction and pronoun reference). 'since my father lives in Aborhood now' uses 'since' incorrectly for a time clause here and mixes past narrative with present; separate into a new clause 'and my father still lives in Aborhood.' Use of commas improves sentence clarity. Overall maintain past narrative for childhood actions and present for current fact (father lives). Suggestion: break long sentence into shorter sentences, use active voice and correct verb forms to match past or present context.

× As obviously bikes are very popular in my country, teenagers often prefer having their own bike as they can roam around every very conveniently And I personally think that having a bike is more affordable and faster in traffic conjunctions.

✓ Bikes are obviously very popular in my country. Teenagers often prefer having their own bikes because they can get around very conveniently, and I personally think that having a bike is more affordable and faster in traffic.

Tense and usage problems and awkward phrasing: 'As obviously' is redundant and misplaced; start with 'Bikes are obviously very popular' (present simple for general truth). 'their own bike' should be pluralized to match plural subject: 'their own bikes' (singular/plural agreement). 'roam around every very conveniently' is ungrammatical: use 'get around very conveniently' (correct verb and adverb placement). 'traffic conjunctions' is incorrect collocation; the intended phrase is 'traffic' or 'in traffic'. Also fix run-on sentence and capitalization ('And'). Suggestion: use clear simple present statements for general facts, ensure plural agreement, correct common collocations, and split into shorter sentences.