Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be concise and correct errors. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct vocabulary (e.g., 'bike' model or just 'bike'), remove filler words, and add one specific supporting detail with a linking word. Also correct grammar: use 'for my 12th birthday' or 'when I was 12'. Limit to 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes. I received a bicycle as a present from my parents for my 12th birthday. It was a bright blue mountain bike, and I rode it to school every day until I got a car, so I have many fond memories of it.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence and use correct grammar and linking words (e.g., 'because', 'for example'). Be specific about where and why bikes are popular, and avoid vague phrases. Keep to 2–4 sentences and use varied vocabulary like 'shared bikes', 'commute', 'urban areas'.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because shared-bike schemes are widespread in major cities. For example, many people use these bikes to commute to work or school, especially for short trips, which helps reduce traffic and pollution.

× Yes, I had a Pike as a present as a birthday present at my 12th birthday from my parents.

✓ Yes, I had a bike as a birthday present from my parents when I was twelve.

The sentence has article and word choice issues: 'a Pike' seems to be a typo for 'a bike' and 'as a present as a birthday present' is redundant. Also 'at my 12th birthday' is unnatural; use 'when I was twelve' or 'on my twelfth birthday'. Use consistent article 'a' before a singular countable noun and remove repetition. Suggestion: say 'a bike' and streamline the time expression to 'when I was twelve' or 'on my twelfth birthday'.

× It was, uh, paying. Beautiful bike.

✓ It was, uh, a beautiful bike.

The phrase 'paying' is incorrect here; likely the speaker meant 'pretty' or 'very' but the intended adjective is 'beautiful'. Also the original lacks the article 'a' before 'beautiful bike'. Use 'a beautiful bike' to form a correct noun phrase. Suggestion: remove filler words or replace with appropriate adjective and include the article.

× Yes, I think my kids popular in my country 'cause we can see shared bikes all over in the cities.

✓ Yes, I think bikes are popular in my country because we can see shared bikes all over the cities.

The original mixes 'my kids' (incorrect noun) and omits the verb 'are' after 'popular', causing sentence structure and subject-verb omission errors. Also use 'because' instead of colloquial ''cause'. Correct subject is 'bikes' and include the linking verb 'are': 'bikes are popular'. Suggestion: say 'bikes are popular in my country because...'.

× People commute with shared bike to work and to school.

✓ People commute by shared bike to work and to school.

The verb 'commute' typically takes the preposition 'by' or the structure 'commute by bike'. Also 'shared bike' should be 'shared bikes' (plural) to match general reference. Use 'by shared bikes' or 'by shared bike' depending on singular/plural; here use plural: 'by shared bikes'. Suggestion: say 'People commute by shared bikes to work and to school.'

× They like cycling.

✓ They like cycling.

This sentence is grammatically correct. The pronoun 'They' correctly refers to people mentioned earlier and the verb 'like' matches the plural subject. No change needed.