Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, remove filler words (uh), and finish the thought with a specific detail. Also use linking words to add a brief supporting detail (e.g., why it was special or a short memory). Keep the answer to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father bought me my first bike when I was ten; it was a bright red model with training wheels, and I loved riding it around the neighborhood. Because it was expensive, my family treated it carefully, so I remember learning to balance slowly and proudly.

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy, vary vocabulary, and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details (who uses bikes, why they are popular) using linking words (for example, because, therefore). Keep it concise and natural.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are an affordable and convenient way to travel short distances. For example, many students and workers cycle to school or work regularly, and there are bike lanes and shops everywhere, which makes cycling easy and common.

× I did have a bike when I was a child.

✓ I had a bike when I was a child.

The use of 'did have' is unnecessary for a simple past statement; in positive past sentences use the past simple 'had'. Use 'did' only for emphasis or in negatives/questions. Suggestion: say 'I had a bike when I was a child.'

× I remember my first bike being bought by my father uh, when I was uh, ten years of age.

✓ I remember my first bike being bought by my father when I was ten years old.

The phrase 'ten years of age' is acceptable but 'ten years old' is more natural. No grammatical error in participle usage, but remove filler 'uh' and prefer 'old' for natural speech. Suggestion: 'I remember my first bike being bought by my father when I was ten years old.'

× It was a special 1 and it was quite expensive at the time being uh, financially uh, so I.

✓ It was a special one and quite expensive at the time, so my family could not afford many luxuries.

The original sentence is fragmented and contains fillers and a numeral '1' instead of 'one'. 'At the time being' is awkward here; use 'at the time'. The sentence ends abruptly with 'so I.' which is incomplete. Suggestion: remove fillers, spell out 'one', and complete the idea: 'It was a special one and quite expensive at the time, so my family could not afford many luxuries.'

× Indeed, bike is very popular in our country.

✓ Indeed, bikes are very popular in our country.

The noun 'bike' should be plural when speaking generally about popularity. Use 'bikes' and plural verb 'are'. Suggestion: 'Bikes are very popular in our country.'

× It is a means of everyday transportation in our country.

✓ They are a common means of everyday transportation in our country.

Mismatch between singular 'It' and general plural idea; refer back to 'bikes' with 'they'. Also 'a means' is fine but plural subject fits better. Suggestion: 'Bikes are a common means of everyday transportation in our country.'

× People and vividuals use it very often and it is quite cheap and easily accessible in our country.

✓ People and individuals use them very often; they are quite cheap and easily accessible in our country.

'Vividuals' is a misspelling of 'individuals'. Pronoun 'it' should match plural 'bikes' so use 'them' and 'they'. Also punctuation improves clarity. Suggestion: 'People and individuals use them very often; they are quite cheap and easily accessible in our country.'