Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more direct and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details. Avoid unnecessary names or filler words (e.g., “uh”). Use correct grammar (e.g., “my dad bought one for me”) and simpler tense forms. Keep the response within 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes. I had a bike when I was in third grade; my dad bought it for me as a birthday present. I still remember riding it around our neighborhood every afternoon, which made me really proud and excited.

提案: Answer directly and give a clear reason with a specific example. Replace vague phrases like “as my observations” and avoid repetition. Use linking words such as “because” or “however” to connect ideas. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use more natural phrasing (e.g., “I rarely see people cycling near my home”).

例: No, I don’t think bikes are very popular in my country because I rarely see people cycling in my city. For example, most people use buses or motorbikes for commuting, especially during rush hour.

× I remember Dwayne, I was a grade three child.

✓ I remember, Dwayne; I was in grade three.

The sentence needs past-tense phrasing and correct preposition for grade level. Use 'I was in grade three' to indicate being enrolled in that grade. Also remove unnecessary comma placement and add a semicolon or break for clarity.

× My dad bought it one for me and uh, I was very happy and proud of my dad about that.

✓ My dad bought one for me, and I was very happy and proud of him about that.

The original has incorrect word order 'bought it one' and redundant reference to 'my dad' after already mentioning him. Remove extra 'it' and use 'him' as the object pronoun. Use a comma before 'and' joining two independent clauses.

× Umm no, I don't think so because as my observations I don't say bikes around my living environment so often, so I don't think bikes are popular in my country.

✓ Umm, no. I don't think so because, based on my observations, I don't see bikes around my neighborhood very often, so I don't think bikes are popular in my country.

Multiple errors: 'as my observations' is incorrect — use 'based on my observations'; 'say bikes' is wrong verb — use 'see bikes'; 'living environment' is awkward — 'neighborhood' or 'area' is natural; punctuation should separate clauses. Maintain present simple tense for general statements.