Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and direct in your topic sentence, avoid repetition, and add a specific detail to make the answer more vivid. Keep it under five sentences and use a linking word when adding the supporting detail.

例: Yes, I did. When I was about five, an older friend taught me to ride a bike without stabilizers, and I learned in a single afternoon by practicing in a quiet park.

提案: Clarify your main point and avoid hesitations and contradictions. State whether bikes are popular, give 1–2 specific reasons, and use linking words (for example, however, because) to make the explanation coherent. Reduce filler words and keep to under five sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are fairly popular in my country. However, in my city the hot summers make cycling uncomfortable, so many people cycle mainly in spring and autumn; despite this, people value bikes for short trips and exercise.

× She taught me how to ride a bike without extra vehicles.

✓ She taught me how to ride a bike without training wheels.

The original phrase 'extra vehicles' is incorrect and unnatural. This is a vocabulary/word-choice error but manifests in number/word selection; the intended meaning is singular 'training wheels' (plural set) or simply 'without training wheels'. Use the correct noun phrase 'training wheels' to convey learning to balance without supports.

× I do, but unfortunately because, uh, we live in a city that has, uh, Four Seasons, umm, we cannot ride our bikes, uh, in summer, uh, but we're really, umm, have, we are really interested in riding bikes and we think it is very useful in our country.

✓ I do, but unfortunately we live in a city that has four seasons, so we cannot ride our bikes in summer. However, we are really interested in riding bikes and we think they are very useful in our country.

Multiple problems: redundant fillers removed and sentence restructured. 'Four Seasons' should be lowercase 'four seasons' as a common noun phrase (not the hotel name), and 'so' is the correct conjunction for cause-result instead of 'because' following 'unfortunately'. 'We're really, umm, have, we are really' mixes forms; correct is 'we are really interested'. Also pronoun agreement: replace 'it is' with 'they are' to match plural 'bikes'. These are present tense and subject-pronoun agreement corrections.