Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and structured. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct grammar (e.g., 'bought me' not 'bought it to me'; 'for my Batman-themed birthday' or simply 'for my 12th birthday') and avoid repetition. Limit to no more than 3–4 short sentences.

例: Yes, I did. My grandfather bought me my first bike for my 12th birthday. It was a Batman-themed bike, and he surprised me with it a few days early. I remember being very excited because I could finally ride to my friends’ houses.

提案: Give a clear opinion first, then support it with specific examples and linking words. Fix grammar and repetition (avoid repeating 'now'). Complete your final clause. Use 'for exercise' instead of 'for doing some exercise' and specify locations concisely. Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I think bikes are quite popular in Israel today. Many people ride bikes for exercise, especially at the weekend, and cities are building dedicated bike lanes and cycling paths near roads and parks to accommodate them.

× I did have a bike and actually the bikes, the first bike I got, my grandfather bought it to me to my Batman birthday, meaning my 12 years old birthday and he was actually what happened is that a few days before my birthday.

✓ I did have a bike. Actually, the first bike I got was bought for me by my grandfather for my Batman-themed birthday, when I turned 12. What happened was that a few days before my birthday...

This sentence has multiple issues but mainly concerns past tense and sentence structure. Use simple past consistently for completed actions (I did have; the first bike I got; was bought; I turned). Also change 'bought it to me' to the correct passive form 'bought for me by my grandfather'. '12 years old birthday' is incorrect; use 'when I turned 12' or 'my 12th birthday'. Break the long run-on into shorter sentences to improve clarity. Suggestion: keep verbs in simple past for narrative of past events and use correct passive and age expressions.

× Nowadays we see a lot of people ride their bikes for doing some exercise, especially on the weekends in Israel now.

✓ Nowadays we see a lot of people riding their bikes to exercise, especially on weekends in Israel.

The verb form after 'see' when indicating an ongoing activity should be the -ing form ('see people riding'). Also 'for doing some exercise' is awkward; use 'to exercise'. Remove redundant 'now' and use 'on weekends' (no article). Maintain present simple for general present habits.

× They're also now creating special routes for bikes near the roads in the cities and also like near the.

✓ They are also creating special bike lanes along the roads in cities and near parks.

'Routes for bikes' is acceptable but 'bike lanes' is more natural. Use 'along the roads' instead of 'near the roads' when describing lanes beside roads. 'In the cities' should be 'in cities' for generalization. The original ends abruptly 'and also like near the.' which is incomplete; provide a logical completion such as 'near parks.' Avoid filler 'like'.