Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be direct, use correct tense and clear vocabulary. Start with a concise topic sentence in past tense, then add one or two brief supporting details (where you rode it, who gave it to you, or a memory). Limit to 3–4 sentences and avoid fillers like “uh” and “umm.”

例: Yes, I did. I had a red bicycle when I was a child, which my parents bought for me on my seventh birthday. I often rode it around the neighborhood with my friends after school, and it helped me feel independent.

提案: Give a clear opinion, support it with specific reasons, and use linking words for coherence. Use correct grammar (e.g., 'there are not many' instead of 'there's no much') and avoid hesitations. Keep it to 2–4 sentences: state your view, then give 1–2 concrete reasons or an example.

例: I don’t think bicycles are very popular in big Chinese cities. For example, many people prefer subways and buses because they are faster, and there are fewer safe bike lanes in urban areas, which makes cycling less common.

× Uh, yes I do. I do have a back when I was a child. Umm.

✓ Uh, yes I did. I had a bike when I was a child. Umm.

The student mixed present tense 'do' with a past time reference 'when I was a child'. Use past tense for actions or states in the past: 'did' and 'had'. Also 'back' is a typo for 'bike'. Suggestion: match verb tense to time expressions and proofread for word choice errors.

× In my country, China, I don't think so. Uh, most people, umm Dr. umm, or they take the subways. There's no much like road for them for bikers to, to ride their bikes.

✓ In my country, China, I don't think so. Uh, most people take the subway, or they use public transportation. There aren't many dedicated bike lanes for cyclists to ride their bikes.

Multiple issues: 1) 'I don't think so' is acceptable but the following sentence mixed fragments and filler words; remove unnecessary fillers. 2) 'Dr. umm' is irrelevant and likely filler—delete. 3) 'the subways' should be 'the subway' or 'subway' when referring to the system; 'public transportation' is clearer. This is a tense/word-choice and article issue: use plural/singular correctly. 4) 'There's no much like road' is ungrammatical; correct to 'There aren't many dedicated bike lanes' to indicate lack of countable lanes (plural) and use negative plural verb 'aren't'. 5) 'for them for bikers to, to ride their bikes' is redundant; rewrite for clarity. Suggestion: remove fillers, choose correct articles and pluralization, and use clear noun phrases like 'bike lanes' or 'cycling paths'.