Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, use correct tense, avoid fillers (uh), and add one brief specific detail. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one supporting reason with a short example. Use past tense for childhood events and link ideas with a simple connector.

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child. I grew up in a conservative village where girls were discouraged from going out, so my parents didn’t allow me to ride. As a result, I learned to enjoy walking and playing games at home instead.

提案: Use accurate grammar (subject-verb agreement), avoid fillers, and add a concrete example or statistic to support your claim. Begin with a clear opinion sentence, then use linking words (for example, because) and a specific detail.

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in India. For example, many families own at least one motorbike because it’s an affordable and convenient way to travel. Consequently, bikes are commonly used for commuting to work or school, especially in smaller towns.

× No, actually I don't have a bike because at the time of my childhood, uh, I used to live in our village where girls are not allowed, uh, to step out and uh, try new things. So I don't have, I don't have a bike.

✓ No, actually I didn't have a bike because during my childhood I used to live in a village where girls were not allowed to go out and try new things. So I didn't have a bike.

The student mixes present tense (don't have) with past context (when you were a child). Use past tense to describe past situations: 'didn't have' and 'during my childhood'. Also 'at the time of my childhood' is awkward; 'during my childhood' is natural. Use 'go out' instead of 'step out' for general leaving the house. Use 'girls were not allowed' to keep past passive construction consistent.

× Almost every house have a bike and uh, mostly boys travel on bikes.

✓ Almost every house has a bike, and mostly boys travel by bike.

'Every' with a singular noun requires a singular verb: 'every house has'. Also when talking about the means of transport, use 'travel by bike' rather than 'travel on bikes' for general statement. Keep verb number agreement (subject-verb agreement).

× Even some girls also love to uh, biking.

✓ Some girls also love biking.

After 'love' use the gerund or the infinitive without 'to' (both are acceptable: 'love biking' or 'love to bike'). The original 'love to, biking' is redundant. Also remove unnecessary filler 'even' if not needed; if kept, place correctly: 'Even some girls also... ' is redundant ('even' and 'also' together).