Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a direct topic sentence (Yes, I did), avoid overly formal phrasing like “during my formative years,” remove filler words (umm), and add one or two specific supporting details (e.g. age, how you used it) using a linking word to make it coherent.

例: Yes, I did. My grandfather bought me a red bike when I was seven, and I rode it every day to school and around the neighborhood.

提案: Structure the answer with a clear topic sentence, use linking words for contrast, correct grammar and avoid repetition. Be specific about when and why popularity changed (e.g. affordability, transportation needs) and give a short prediction or example. Limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: I don’t think bikes are as popular now. When I was a child, bicycles were common because they were cheap and practical for short trips. However, with rising incomes and faster lifestyles, many people now prefer motorbikes or cars, so bicycle use has declined.

× Yes, during my formative years I was brought a bike by, umm, my grandfather.

✓ Yes, during my formative years my grandfather bought me a bike.

The original sentence uses an unnatural passive construction 'I was brought a bike by my grandfather.' While grammatically possible, native speakers prefer the active form 'my grandfather bought me a bike.' This corrects word order and uses the simple past verb 'bought' to match the time frame 'during my formative years.' Suggestion: use active voice and the correct past tense form of 'buy' (bought).

× Actually I don't think so.

✓ Actually, I don't think so.

The original sentence is grammatically correct in verb usage, but it lacks a comma after 'Actually' for natural written style. There is no subject-verb agreement error; retain the contraction and present-tense verb to state a current opinion. Suggestion: add a comma after introductory adverbs for clarity.

× Thinking back to the past when I was a kid I found bikes are really prevalent in my country.

✓ Thinking back to when I was a kid, I found that bikes were really prevalent in my country.

The sentence mixes present and past perspectives. 'Thinking back... I found' sets a past viewpoint, so the clause describing the situation in the past should use past tense 'were' not 'are.' Also add 'that' for clarity and a comma after the introductory phrase. Suggestion: keep tense consistent — use past tense when describing past situations.

× However over time it it was surpassed by other like motorbikes.

✓ However, over time it was surpassed by others, like motorbikes.

The original has a repeated word 'it it' and awkward phrase 'other like motorbikes.' Use 'others' to refer back to 'bikes' and add 'like motorbikes' as an example. Also include a comma after 'However' and after 'others' is optional but improves clarity. Suggestion: remove duplicate words, use 'others' for plural reference, and provide proper punctuation.