Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more natural and concise. Start with a clear topic sentence, correct word order and possessive forms, and add one specific supporting detail. Avoid repeating words and keep it to 2–3 sentences. For example, use 'my father' or 'my dad' and say what you learned or felt.

例: Yes. When I was five my father bought me a tricycle, and it was my first time learning to ride. I remember feeling excited and proud because I could move around the neighborhood by myself.

提案: Reduce hesitation and repetition, use correct subject-verb agreement, and provide a clear reason with a specific example. Use linking words (because, for example) to connect ideas and keep it under 3 sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are becoming increasingly popular in my country because more people are adopting a healthy lifestyle. For example, many young families now ride bikes to parks on weekends instead of driving, which helps them exercise and spend time together.

× It was my first experience with riding and my daddy.

✓ It was my first experience of riding a bike and spending time with my daddy.

The original sentence uses 'experience with riding and my daddy' which is unclear and awkward. 'Experience of/with' should take a noun phrase; use 'riding a bike' for clarity. Also 'and my daddy' lacks a verb or noun phrase to connect; 'spending time with my daddy' clarifies the intended meaning. Use of gerund 'riding' is correct but needs an object and parallel structure.

× my daddy bought for me tricycle.

✓ my daddy bought me a tricycle.

Articles are missing: 'tricycle' requires the indefinite article 'a'. The verb phrase 'bought for me' is unnatural in this context; native speakers say 'bought me a tricycle'. Correct word order and include the article.

× It's quite popular, Umm, I think that now it's becoming more, uh, more popular, uh, due to uh, due to. Healthy style of living, Uh, most of young families, they prefer to ride a bike.

✓ Bicycles are quite popular now; I think they are becoming more popular because of a healthier style of living. Most young families prefer to ride bikes.

There are multiple number issues and article use problems. 'It's quite popular' is vague; use plural 'Bicycles are' to match general reference. 'Healthy style of living' needs adjective 'healthier' and an article 'a' or 'a healthier style of living'. 'Most of young families' is incorrect; use 'most young families' without 'of'. Also avoid the redundant pronoun 'they' after 'most young families'. Use plural 'bikes' to match 'families prefer to ride bikes'.

× my daddy bought for me tricycle.

✓ my daddy bought me a tricycle.

The preposition 'for' is unnecessary in the active construction 'bought me a tricycle'. Use indirect object placement ('bought me a...') or 'bought a tricycle for me' if you want the prepositional form.

× most of young families, they prefer to ride a bike.

✓ Most young families prefer to ride bikes.

'Most of young families' is ungrammatical; either 'most young families' or 'most of the young families' is correct. Including 'they' creates a comma splice and redundancy. Ensure subject and verb agree: 'families prefer' (plural). Also use plural 'bikes' for general preference.