Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and accurate with grammar, use correct possessive/plural forms, and include a clear topic sentence plus one or two specific supporting details linked logically. Avoid small errors (parent → parents; brought → rode or went out) and unnecessary repetition. Use a linking word to connect cause and effect or time (e.g., “so,” “then,” “after that”).

例: No, I didn't have a bike at first. A few months after I asked my parents, they gave me a bicycle for my birthday, so I started riding with my friends every weekend. Those rides around my neighbourhood created many happy memories.

提案: Improve coherence and accuracy: start with a direct topic sentence about popularity, then give two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix grammar and word choice (e.g., “a wide variety,” “sports bikes,” “many women enjoy”). Drop filler words like “Uh.” Add a short example or reason to make the answer more concrete.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my city. For example, Bangalore has a wide variety of two-wheelers, from simple gearless scooters to powerful sports bikes, so many people use them for commuting. Also, many women ride regularly because bikes are affordable and convenient for short trips.

× I asked my parent for one and they bought me a bicycle as a birthday present a few months later.

✓ I asked my parents for one and they bought me a bicycle as a birthday present a few months later.

The singular 'parent' is inconsistent with the plural pronoun 'they'. Use 'parents' to match 'they' or change 'they' to 'he/she'. Using matching number for nouns and pronouns avoids ambiguity. Suggestion: use 'my parents' if both bought it, or 'my parent...he/she' if only one did.

× And I often brought it with my friends, which gave me many fond memories.

✓ And I often rode it with my friends, which gave me many fond memories.

The verb 'bring' is incorrect for the intended meaning of using the bicycle. 'Ride' is the correct verb to describe using a bicycle. Also past simple 'rode' matches the earlier past context. 'Brought it with my friends' is unidiomatic; use 'rode it with my friends'.

× Uh, we have wide variety of bikes from gearless to sports bike in many colours and many women's enjoy riding in daily life.

✓ Uh, we have a wide variety of bikes, from gearless to sports bikes in many colours, and many women enjoy riding in daily life.

Multiple number issues: 'wide variety' requires the article 'a'. 'sports bike' should be plural 'sports bikes' to match 'variety of bikes'. 'many women's' incorrectly uses possessive; use plural noun 'women'. Also adding commas improves clarity. Suggestion: 'a wide variety of bikes, from gearless to sports bikes, and many women enjoy riding in everyday life.'