Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar (tense and count nouns), reduce repetition, and create a clear structure: one topic sentence, one or two supporting details, and a concluding phrase. Use correct past tense (had, watched, knew, gifted) and avoid repeated words like “so”. Add linking words (because, so, when) to make your answer coherent. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was a child. My father knew I wanted one because I often watched other children riding, so he gifted me a bike for my birthday. I used it to ride to the park and felt very proud of it.

提案: Clarify and polish vocabulary and sentence structure. Give one clear reason and a specific example. Replace awkward phrases (e.g., “they call they give average speed”) with precise language (e.g., “they are fuel-efficient and suitable for short trips”). Use linking words like ‘because’ and ‘for example’. Keep answer to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are inexpensive and fuel-efficient. For example, many people use motorcycles to commute short distances in cities since they are easy to park and save money on petrol.

× Yes, I have a bikes when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

Errors: 'have' is present tense while the rest of the sentence is past ('when I was a child'), so past tense 'had' is required (Grammar Problem Type 6: Present tense issue and 5: Past tense issue). 'a bikes' mixes singular article 'a' with plural 'bikes'; use singular 'a bike' (Type 1: Singular and plural issue). Suggestion: Match tense to the time reference and ensure article agrees with noun number: use 'I had a bike when I was a child.'

× So that bike I'm talking about my father gifted to me when I was a kid and I watch other children riding their own bikes.

✓ That bike I am talking about was a gift from my father when I was a kid, and I watched other children riding their bikes.

Errors: The clause order and verb forms are incorrect (Grammar Problem Type 26: Sentence structure errors). 'I'm talking about' is present progressive while referring to past; better to say 'That bike I am talking about was a gift' or 'That bike I am talking about was gifted to me'—here use past 'was' (Type 6 and 5). 'my father gifted to me' is acceptable but 'was a gift from my father' is more natural. 'I watch' is present tense; it should be past 'I watched' because action occurred in childhood (Type 6 and 5). Also 'their own bikes' is redundant; 'their bikes' is sufficient. Suggestion: Keep tense consistent (past) and simplify clauses for clarity.

× I always wanted the bike so so my father know that that I want that bike so much so he gifted me on my birthday.

✓ I always wanted the bike, so my father knew that I wanted it so much and he gifted it to me on my birthday.

Errors: Tense inconsistency: 'I always wanted' is past, so following verbs should be past: 'my father knew' and 'I wanted' (Type 5 and 6). 'know' is present but should be 'knew' (Type 27 and 6). 'that that I want' has extra 'that' and uses present 'want' instead of past 'wanted' (Type 12 and 6). Word order and preposition: 'gifted me on my birthday' is understandable but more natural is 'gifted it to me on my birthday' (Type 11 and 26). Remove repeated 'so' and redundant words. Suggestion: Keep past tense throughout, remove duplicate words, and use correct object pronoun 'it' and preposition 'to'.

× Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are cheap and they cost less fuel and they call they give average speed.

✓ Yes, bikes are very popular in my country because they are cheap, use less fuel, and provide moderate speed.

Errors: 'they cost less fuel' is awkward; better: 'use less fuel' or 'consume less fuel' (Type 13: Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs and Type 11). 'they call they give average speed' is ungrammatical and unclear: likely intended 'they are said to give average speed' or simply 'they provide moderate speed' (Type 26 and 16). Also avoid repeating subject 'they' unnecessarily; use parallel verbs in the list: 'are cheap, use less fuel, and provide moderate speed.' Suggestion: Use clear verbs for features ('use' and 'provide') and maintain parallel structure.