Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes, I had a bike), then give one or two specific details using linking words. Avoid fillers like “umm” and repeated words. Correct small grammatical issues (use past tense consistently) and clarify the confusing part about additional wheels. Aim for 2–3 sentences, each purposeful.

例: Yes, I had a bike when I was nine. My mother’s friend bought it for me, and at first I thought it might come with training wheels, but it was a normal bike. I remember being very excited to learn to ride it.

提案: Give a clear opinion, then support it with specific, coherent reasons and a linking word. Reduce hesitations and correct grammar (use past or present consistently). Provide a concise example that ties to your statement. Limit to 2–3 sentences.

例: Yes, I think bikes were very popular, especially in cities like Beijing in the 1980s because they were an affordable way to get around. For example, my mother used to take me to kindergarten on her bike, which shows how common they were.

× Yes, I can remember umm, when I was nine years old and umm my mom, no, my mom's friend bought me a a bike and at first I really think that's the this there could be additional wheels and and they just give me a literally bike Yes and.

✓ Yes, I remember when I was nine years old. My mom's friend bought me a bike. At first I really thought there would be additional wheels, but they just gave me a normal bike.

Multiple errors: 'can remember' is awkward for a past specific memory; use simple past 'remember' (Grammar Problem Type ID 6: Present tense issue and 5: Past tense issue). Double 'a a' is an article error (ID 22). 'I really think' should be past 'I really thought' because it refers to a past belief (ID 6/5). 'that's the this there could be additional wheels' is ungrammatical and unclear — correct to 'there would be additional wheels' using conditional/past expectation (ID 26: Sentence structure errors and ID 7/5 for tense). 'they just give me a literally bike' has wrong verb form and adverb placement: use past 'they just gave me a normal bike' (ID 5 Past tense issue, ID 13 Incorrect use of adjectives or adverbs). Suggestions: split long run-on into shorter sentences, use simple past for past events, remove duplicate articles, choose correct adjective ('normal' instead of 'literally') and correct past verb forms.

× Yes, as I know that, umm, in Beijing or in the 1980s, umm, people often use bikes to transport.

✓ Yes, as far as I know, in Beijing in the 1980s people often used bikes for transport.

Problems: 'as I know that' is incorrect collocation; use 'as far as I know' (ID 26 Sentence structure). 'in Beijing or in the 1980s' misuses 'or' — should be linking location and time with a comma or 'in Beijing in the 1980s' (ID 16 Incorrect conjunction use). 'people often use bikes to transport' uses present tense and wrong verb for purpose; the time reference is past so use 'used' (ID 5 Past tense issue) and 'for transport' is correct preposition phrase instead of 'to transport' (ID 11 Incorrect use of prepositions). Suggestion: use 'as far as I know' for hedging, match tense to time expression, and use 'for transport'.

× And yeah, and for my mom, she always take me to kindergarten with a bike.

✓ And yes, my mom always took me to kindergarten on a bike.

Errors: 'and yeah, and' is redundant (ID 26 Sentence structure). 'she always take me' has wrong verb form for third person singular in past habitual context — use past 'took' (ID 2 Third person singular issue and ID 5 Past tense issue). Preposition 'with a bike' is unnatural; use 'on a bike' for riding (ID 11 Incorrect use of prepositions). Suggestion: use past tense 'took' for past habitual actions, correct third-person verb forms, and use the idiomatic preposition 'on' for riding a bike.