Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition; begin with a clear topic sentence, then give 2–3 specific supporting details using linking words. Correct small grammar mistakes (e.g. "on my 7th birthday", "I lost it a year later") and remove filler sounds ("uh").

例: Yes — I had a bike as a child. It was black with neon yellow stripes and came with a front flashlight and a red rear light, so I could ride safely at night. My father gave it to me for my seventh birthday, and I kept it for several years before I lost it.

提案: Start with a direct statement, then support it with specific observations and a brief reason. Use correct subject forms ("my friends and I"), avoid filler words, and use appropriate verbs ("ride" not "drive" for bikes).

例: Yes, I think bikes are very popular in my country. When I was growing up my friends and I often rode our bikes around the neighborhood, and today I still see many children riding them to school. This popularity is partly because bikes are affordable and convenient for short trips.

× Yes I did have a bike when I was a child.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was a child.

Redundant use of 'did' with the past tense verb 'have' is unnecessary in affirmative past-tense statements. Use simple past 'I had' instead of 'I did have' for natural phrasing. Suggestion: use 'I had' for affirmative past sentences.

× It was gifted by my dad and my 7th birthday but sadly I lost it a year ago.

✓ It was a gift from my dad for my 7th birthday, but sadly I lost it a year ago.

Incorrect structure and article use: 'gifted by my dad and my 7th birthday' is ungrammatical. Use the noun 'gift' and preposition 'from' to indicate the giver, and 'for' to indicate the occasion. Also add a comma before 'but' to separate clauses. Suggestion: say 'a gift from my dad for my 7th birthday.'

× So uh cars would see me at night time.

✓ So cars could see me at night.

The original 'would see me at night time' is awkward in this context. Use 'could see me at night' to express ability due to the lights. Also 'night time' is better as 'night' and 'uh' filler words should be omitted in writing. Suggestion: use 'could see me at night.'

× Yes, growing up, me and my friends, we always drove bikes in our neighborhood and even now I see thousands of kids, uh, driving bikes.

✓ Yes, growing up, my friends and I always rode bikes in our neighborhood, and even now I see thousands of kids riding bikes.

Multiple issues: 'me and my friends' is incorrect subject order and case; use 'my friends and I.' The verb 'drove' is not the usual collocation with bicycles; 'rode' is correct for bicycles. Remove filler 'uh' and use parallel gerund 'riding bikes.' Suggestion: use 'my friends and I always rode bikes' and 'kids riding bikes.'

× Uh, so yes, I think bikes are a such popular symbol in my country.

✓ So yes, I think bikes are such a popular symbol in my country.

Incorrect placement of 'a' before 'such': the correct pattern is 'such a + adjective + noun.' Original had 'a such popular' which is ungrammatical. Remove filler 'uh.' Suggestion: use 'such a popular symbol.'