Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer grammatically correct, concise, and more natural. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two brief supporting details. Remove filler words and repeated words, correct tense and article use, and avoid overlong hesitation. For example, say you didn’t have one, give the reason (accident), and describe briefly how it affected you.

例: No, I didn’t have a bike as a child. The first time I tried to ride one I fell and hurt myself, which made me reluctant to try again for a long time.

提案: Give a clear direct opinion first, then support it with specific reasons and use linking words (however, because, for example). Correct vocabulary (e.g., 'buy car' is unclear) and grammar (singular/plural agreement). Be concise and avoid repetition. Mention regional or economic differences as concrete details.

例: Bikes are somewhat popular in Ethiopia, but it depends on where you live. In urban areas wealthier people often own bicycles or motorbikes, while many average families cannot afford them, so popularity varies by region and income.

× I don't have a bike when I was a kid because the the the first time I tried to get on bike I fell.

✓ I didn't have a bike when I was a kid because the first time I tried to get on a bike I fell.

The sentence mixes present tense 'don't have' with past time reference 'when I was a kid.' Use past tense 'didn't have' for a past situation. Also remove repeated filler words 'the the the' and add the article 'a' before 'bike.' Suggestion: keep past tense consistent for past events and include necessary articles.

× So that's been umm, A traumatizing thing for me.

✓ So that was, um, a traumatizing experience for me.

The phrase 'that's been' (present perfect) is odd with a past childhood event; use simple past 'that was.' 'A traumatizing thing' is awkward; 'a traumatizing experience' is more natural. Also correct capitalization and filler placement. Suggestion: use simple past to describe a past trauma and choose natural noun collocation 'traumatizing experience.'

× Uh, it might be popular or not in, in my area because I live in Ethiopia and the people that have a buy card, they're rich ones where the average family don't don't own the bike.

✓ Uh, it might be popular in my area or not because I live in Ethiopia, and people who can buy cars are rich, while the average family doesn't own a bike.

Multiple tense and grammar issues: 'might be popular or not in, in my area' is repetitive—simplify. 'the people that have a buy card' contains wrong words: 'buy card' should be 'buy cars' or 'can buy cars.' Use 'who' for people, not 'that.' 'they're rich ones' is unnecessary; use 'are rich.' 'the average family don't don't own the bike' has double repetition and subject-verb agreement error: 'family' (singular in this context) requires 'doesn't' and drop 'the' before 'bike.' Suggestion: streamline the sentence, correct word choice, and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× So it's popular and not popular at the same time.

✓ So bicycles are both popular and unpopular at the same time.

The original pronoun 'it' ambiguously refers to 'bikes'; explicitly use 'bicycles' or 'bikes.' The phrase 'popular and not popular' is acceptable but awkward; rephrase as 'both popular and unpopular' for clarity. Suggestion: make the subject explicit and use parallel adjective forms.