Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clearer and more natural: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm, uh), correct vocabulary and grammar (e.g., 'pink bike', 'neighbors were jealous of me'), and add one specific supporting detail. Keep it under five sentences and use a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I did. I had a big pink bike that I loved, and I used to ride it all over my neighborhood. Because it was bright and unusual, my neighbors were often jealous of it. As a result, I felt proud and enjoyed spending afternoons cycling with friends.

提案: Answer directly and reduce hesitations. Use clearer structure: state your main opinion, then support it with specific reasons and an example. Use linking words (however, because, for example) and more precise vocabulary (commute, leisure, urban areas). Keep answers concise (max 5 sentences).

例: I don't think bicycles are the most common form of transport in my city. However, many people do use bikes for short commutes and recreational rides because they are cheap and help avoid traffic. For example, in the city center you can often see office workers cycling to work during the morning rush.

× I had a big pinky by and I remember how I was riding along my neighborhood and my peers uh did jealous me and I was satisfied with this.

✓ I had a big pink bike, and I remember riding around my neighborhood; my peers were jealous of me, and I was pleased about that.

Multiple grammar issues fall under adjective/adverb misuse and related problems: 'pinky by' is incorrect word choice and order — correct phrase is 'pink bike' (adjective before noun). 'I remember how I was riding' is awkward; use the simple verb 'remember riding' for habitual past memory. 'Riding along my neighborhood' is incorrect preposition use — use 'around my neighborhood.' 'My peers uh did jealous me' is ungrammatical: 'jealous' is an adjective and cannot take 'did' or act as a verb; the correct structure is 'my peers were jealous of me.' 'I was satisfied with this' is grammatical but sounds unnatural in context; 'I was pleased about that' is clearer. Suggestions: place adjectives before nouns, use 'remember' + gerund for recollection, use correct prepositions (around), use 'be' + adjective with 'of' for feelings of others (were jealous of), and prefer natural verbs like 'pleased.'

× Umm, I wouldn't say that is uh, the most popular means of transport in my city.

✓ Umm, I wouldn't say that bikes are the most popular means of transport in my city.

The original sentence has a pronoun/reference issue: 'that is' lacks a clear referent and is awkward when referring to 'bikes.' Replace the vague 'that is' with the explicit subject 'bikes' to agree with 'means of transport.' Also use plural verb agreement 'are' with plural 'bikes.' Suggestion: be explicit about the subject when making general statements and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× However, umm, a large part of people prefer using umm, bikes, uh, for commuting, umm, and sometimes for leisure activities.

✓ However, a large number of people prefer using bikes for commuting and sometimes for leisure activities.

'A large part of people' is not the correct quantifier; use 'a large number of people' or 'a large proportion of people.' 'Prefer using bikes for commuting' is acceptable; remove redundant filler words and commas. Suggestion: choose correct quantifiers ('number' for countable nouns like people, 'part' or 'portion' often requires 'of the' and a defined group) and streamline sentence structure for clarity.