Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (uh, umm), and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Keep to maximum five sentences.

例: Yes, I had a bike as a child. My parents gave it to me for my eighth birthday, and I would ride it around my neighborhood every afternoon. Because my area was quiet and safe, I often spent hours exploring nearby streets and parks.

提案: Improve clarity and grammar, use linking words to contrast points, and choose more precise vocabulary (e.g. "low-income people" instead of "non wealthy"). Limit to up to five sentences and remove hesitations. Provide a clear topic sentence followed by specific examples or statistics if possible.

例: Yes, bicycles remain popular in my country. For example, many low-income people rely on them for daily commutes because they are affordable and convenient. On the other hand, students and middle-class professionals often use bikes for exercise or short trips around campuses and residential areas.

× Yes, I did have a bike when I was young, uh, I remember my parents gifted it to me and umm, at that point I used to take it in my streets and ride it all day long.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was young. I remember my parents gifted it to me, and at that time I used to take it into the streets and ride it all day long.

Errors involve redundant auxiliary 'did' with a simple past statement and awkward phrasing. Use simple past 'had' rather than 'did have' for a factual past possession. Split into two sentences for clarity. Replace 'at that point' with 'at that time' for naturalness, and use 'into the streets' instead of 'in my streets'. Suggestions: remove unnecessary 'did', use clear sentence boundaries, and choose idiomatic time expressions.

× Yes, I think bikes are very popular. They're still used as a mode of transport in places that are close by and a lot of non wealthy people still use it as their primary source of uh transport.

✓ Yes, I think bikes are very popular. They're still used as a mode of transport for short distances, and many less wealthy people still use them as their primary means of transport.

Problems: 'a lot of non wealthy people' is unidiomatic and 'non wealthy' should be 'less wealthy' or 'low-income'; quantifier 'a lot of' is informal — use 'many'. Pronoun agreement: 'bikes' plural requires 'them' not 'it'. 'Primary source of transport' is awkward; use 'primary means of transport'. Suggestions: use 'many' with countable people, prefer 'less wealthy' or 'low-income', ensure plural pronoun agreement with 'bikes', and use natural collocations like 'means of transport'.

× While in other universities and rich people still use bicycle as recreation or to go around their car.

✓ Meanwhile, at other universities and among wealthier people, bicycles are still used for recreation or for short trips instead of using a car.

This sentence has structural and agreement problems: 'While in other universities and rich people' is ungrammatical. Use a clear connector like 'Meanwhile', indicate the groups ('at other universities and among wealthier people'), and correct noun-verb agreement by making 'bicycles are'. 'Use bicycle as recreation' should be 'used for recreation', and 'to go around their car' is unclear — change to 'for short trips instead of using a car'. Suggestions: restructure the sentence with a clear subject and verb, ensure plural agreement, and replace awkward phrases with common expressions.